^^Posted this in the relationships sub forum but didn’t get any responses and think it may really be more of a MH thing
I don’t know why I’m posting this, I guess for some sort of reassurance that I’m not totally abnormal and others feel this way too. Basically I feel that I do not deserve my boyfriend and that I’m unworthy of him. He’s not perfect but he’s at his core a kind and decent person - I feel the opposite. I try and do sweet things all the time, in my relationship and generally to others, but I always feel that it is a facade or a pretence, and that at my core I’m a horrible person. We have had quite a tough year and I had a period of really bad paranoia/poor mental health around April, during which I said some pretty nasty things about my relationship to my mum. I feel better now and we are getting on well again, but when he does something nice for me like bring me a cup of tea I imagine him hearing the conversations I had with my mum. I said I wasn’t sure if I loved him, what if I was only with him because he made me feel secure etc etc. It makes me feel terrible, even though I know I never set out to be nasty and just needed to get it all off my chest, I just can’t shake these awful thoughts that I’m a nasty person, like I can’t escape something bad I’ve done. Anyone else feel this way?