Head banging

[FingersXssd83]

I'm mid thirties and currently doing IVF have have a lot of other stress atm.

Had an argument with my DH this morning, lost the plot and banged my head several times which has resulted in cuts and bruises on my face.

Parents came round shortly afterwards, and I called the Samaritans and discussed my emotions, and other dark thoughts.

Have my monthly IVF counselling on Friday. Not sure where this is leading me, but it's not a great place. Also unsure if I should tell my counsellor about the incident as they may want to stop my cycle.

Everyone thinks I'm nuts and I can't exactly hide the mess that is my face.

Not sure why I'm writing this, suppose I'm hoping for people to say this is a 'normal' response to my situation although I'm clearly off my head.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and glad that you have support from your parents. Chances are, you're not nuts!

I did this once during an argument, turns out that

a. I do have autism but also

b. That man was gaslighting me and coercively controlling me

The next argument we had was worse by far and resulted in me lying in a puddle of my own blood. You should probably get out. Do you think there may be more to the picture? This person may not be the best to start a family with :(

What about telling the clinic something has come up and you need to deal with it before continuing? You don't have to tell them what it is. Or maybe they could freeze your embryos and implant at a future time?

Meanwhile go to your GP, explain your situation honestly and get some advice.

I'm a MH nurse and an IVF veteran.

Self harm can be a form of physically showing someone how hurt you feel inside, it could have been frustration.

IVF is a nightmare for hormones and stress in itself and I've found that as the cycles have gone on I'm finding it harder and harder to cope as you lose hope with each failure and it's largely hope that keeps you trying I guess.

I would be honest love. People bang on about how much stress affects the success rate and if you're not in the right place mentally at the moment maybe it isn't for you this time? That being said, if you've started the injections then wild horses wouldn't make me stop! They may be able to do something to help you cope if they know how much you're struggling this time.

I've done this before too and I am also autistic as previous poster. It's due to extreme stress. Look after yourself x

I’ve done that as my ex was a prick.

I didn’t see it at the time but he was so stubborn and opinionated and I was always wrong and it drove me to self harm. It was just stupid as it achieved nothing for me. I’d have been better dumping his sorry ass or punching fuck out of a pillow and having a good cry.

If your bf is a prick perhaps it’s time to move on. If he’s not then it could be just the hormones during this difficult and stressful time. Good luck OP

Thanks for your replies and support, ladies. Head really hurts still. Going to try to work remotely this week to hide it.

Interesting that some of you are autistic, haven't been diagnosed with that, I am a perfectionist though and don't like things not going to plan, perhaps I'm on the spectrum somewhere?

DH and family were very supportive yesterday, just worries me that I'm feeling so low I'm out of control and essentially self harming, and wondering what is the tipping point for people thar take their lives. I don't want to do that, just want my life to get better and for my head not to feel so chaotic.

Trying to start a family and IVF has basically ruined my life. Considering if it's time to stop for my emotional well-being.

Thanks again. Wishing you all a positive day xx

Perhaps you could give yourself permission to have a break from trying to conceive? It’s so stressful for people. They can feel like machines. And it takes over all your life. Can you chuck it in for a couple of months and then start again? Your body and mind should be in sync and they aren’t so something needs changed. A break may help?

Have you considered acupuncture? It’s very helpful at getting a woman ready to conceive. I know two people personally who had a history of mc’s. One had a baby a while ago and ones just had one. Both went to the same acupuncturist (One was on her 40s and it was her last hope) whose speciality is fertility. Look up the professional body for acupuncture and see if you have some within travelling distance if you. Phone them and see whose specialises or whose had the best results with fertility issues.

Hiya OP just checking in wondering how you are feeling now? X

Tried acupuncture @Elieza but didn't like it so have been doing reflexology instead which I find very soothing.

Thanks for asking after me @ProfessorSillyStuff My lumps and bumps have gone down but bruising is very much there. Been able to disguise it with make up.

Husband was off this morning and was telling me to do jobs before going into work. I flipped and smashed a glass in the sink. I'm 3 weeks into my IVF and already overwhelmed so I thought him asking was pretty shit. Don't seem able to control myself atm. Felt very anxious this week. Off to see the counsellor tomorrow. Then hopefully the weekend will help.

Hope everyone else is ok xx