Anyone else have dark thoughts?

[RosiePosiePuddle]

I keep a diary and these are my thoughts for today:

"Of course I can't. I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to exist. A lovely little slit in the space-time continuum and I bail out in a sleeping bag. DD will still exist and never one will ever know I wasn't here. If only."

I am an outwardly "normal" person. No-one would know. I hope not, but I having huge difficulty. I am a teacher. I am waiting for the holidays to dissolve or save myself.

It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure.

I just want to give you an unmumsnetty hug OP. Is there anyone you can talk to at work or any changes you can make?

Have you approached your GP for help with potential depression.

I have thoughts like that sometimes, when they become frequent it is a sign you need some professional help.

It is a very dark and desolate place to be in and I hope it helps to hear that you are not alone. You are doing amazing for carrying on at work and with your daughter with these thoughts plaguing you so be extremely gentle with yourself. You know rationally that you can't just slip out of here unnoticed, it doesn't work like that. Please go and get help, speak to a gp or talk to a therapist. You don't have to sit with these thoughts on your own.

Thank you

Smiling depression anxiety. I have this. Appear so so normal and happy but underneath, it’s all their like a miasma of black and despair. Only my doctor knows.

Anytime l spend alone, it insidiously rises to the surface. Nothing seems to touch it.

I get totally where you are coming from

All there