Definitley! Moan Alert!!!!!

[Flip]

I'm fed up!

I've been off work nearly eleven months and I'm supposed to be going back on the 8th November. I don't think I can do it. I've been trying all sorts of things to avoid going back to work. I tried to change my working hours from 5x5 to 7x3 but they wouldn't go for it. So I'm in an awful situation. Do I go back and be miserable and be a cranky horrible mum. Or do I put more effort into finding something more suitable.

I know the answer of course, I just can't bring myself to hand in the ASDA application. So I've applied to be an Avon Sales leader. I've been on one of those piramid websites in desperation.

I can't leave ds2 with my mother for any length of time because I'll come back and she'll tell me all the wonderful things he's now doing that I've missed out on. I don't like the idea of nursery so that's not an option (sorry, just my opinion) . Ds2 is my miracle baby. He's ten months old today and a joy to be with. He's made me into such a better person and a better mum to ds1. He's the baby we thought we'd never have after being told I was menopausal after ds1. We tried for ever to have him and now he's here I can't give him up to anyone. He's mine and I want to be with him. I was told through every step of my pregnancy that I wouldn't carry him to full term. My waters broke a month before he was born and we almost lost him in labour.

How am I expected to work five days?

Today I've been to toddlers then I'm going to the peadiatricians at 1.40pm, then the school run. Then dropping off ds1 at my neighbours, ds2 at my mothers, Avon seminar, Thai Boxing at 6pm with ds1 and then PTFA at 7pm. I'll maybe get something to eat around 8.30pm and then I'll be so exhausted that I'll just collapse into bed.

Tommorow I have an appointment at Manchester hospital for me which normally expects a waiting time in excess of 1 hour. Then I have to do the shopping, school run, swimming lessons, make tea, iron some school uniform and the list just goes on.

Then Wednesday, toddler morning, councelling for an hour and half where she tells me not to be so negative and stop blaiming myself for everything, then the school run, then pick ds2 up, then make tea, then play host to ds1's godmother and then collapse into bed if nothing else is required.

How am I supposed to squeeze in working?

If you've read this far, thanks. I'm just fed up at the thought of going back to work.

Any miracle solutions would be gratefully received. I haven't even been able to find more than five minutes here and there to catch up on mumsnet, never mind post.

Hi. This is probably a really daft question, but do you have to, have to work 5 days? Is there any way you can get by on less? We have found that it just is not worth my while to work more than a few hours a week - it just means that we lose tax credits.

Is there anything you can do from home? Typing or that sort of thing. Maybe you could retrain for something in the evenings - or could you possibly stand evening work? That would give you more time to be with the boys through the day.

Ofcourse, you may find that once you are back into the swing of working, that it all goes really well, and you enjoy the company of adults again. Perhaps you are just having last minute nerves? And as for fitting it all in, I found I was a whole lot more organised when I did work!!

You have got a lot of hard decisions to make, and I wish you all the best. Let me know what you decide wont you?

It isn't my decision to work five days, it's my employers. I submitted my request to go three days and it was denied on the grounds of not being cost effective. We don't get tax credits because of dh's wage. He earns about 30k so my wage is just a top up and to earn my bit. The last few months since my maternity pay ended it's been difficult with him. Telling me to go out and earn some money or stop spending. I did the whole, pay me the going rate for child care thing so he's calmed down a bit. But I do like being able to spend when I like and we haven't got a big mortgage. It's only 60k.

I'm trying to find something working from home. I have a lot of computer skills and my typing is excellent. There just aren't those sort of jobs around or else I'd be applying.

I know finding work from home is really difficult. Do you live anywhere near a Uni? The students often need people to type their dissertations (even these days when most have their own pcs), so perhaps you could post an ad?? I definately feel you would be happier with something with less hours though. I think you should take the opportunity to look for something else. If your employers are not willing to be flexible, perhaps it is time to look elsewhere.

flip, you know sometimes having a job can reduce stress IME - time away from all that family administration and running around. AS well as the money, having a job you like and do well can build your esteem. Sometimes it's good to get a little distance from your family, I find.

Looking at your days, there are things you can cut out IME

PTA - it's volundary, you can say no! you can miss meetings, help less without turning your back on them.

Activites after school - your son is about 6 isn't he? ok swimming is a good thing to do for now but you can fit lessons in at weekends, and for most other activites you can wait till he's older if no weekend classes are possible. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't do everything now.

hospital appointments - you'd probably have few problems getting time off from work for these anyway.

shopping - go online, go at weekends, go in your lunchhour while you are at work

Iron school uniform - do you really have to? I don't know what yours is like, but my boys' easy iron shirts rarely get ironed (they are underneath their jumpers anyway) and if I dry their trousers carefully and hang them up, they are ok too - I iron them once a week or so.

making tea/supper - no way around this as it has to be done. Do you cook double quantities and freeze? this helps a lot I find. And if you are out at work, will your dh take on more duties? hope so!

school run - if possible do one (mornings preferably) so you still have some daily contact with the school, then sort out a school pick up for the afternoon.

Honestly it is possible to do a job and fit in school responsibilities. But you have to say no to some things and catch up with stuff at weekends IME.

However, if you really don't want to leave your 10 month ds2 with anyone else, then working days will be near impossible at the moment. You say you don't want your son to stay in a nursery - but what about childminders? have you visited any? I have left my sons with childminders at your son's age and they have really enjoyed themselves, benefitted from the new environment, other people aournd them, new places to go etc. Childminders IME are keen to take children to playgroups (there are special ones for childminders and their children in our area) so my sons got lots of extra socialising in.

I'm nost saying it's easy to work 5 days a week with two young children, and I am sorry your company won't let you work 3 days, as that's a good compromise, but a 5 day week can be possible with the right job and some good planning.