Help identifying this mental health issue

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

I would like to help a friend who has quite severe mental health issues. I have no idea what is wrong with them. I’m thinking some personality issues, but I’m unsure. I’ve tried in a round about way asking them. But they just shut down and don’t appear to want to open up about it which is fair enough, I don’t want to push. If I knew more about their illness it would be easier for us to communicate.

Essentially these are the main things I’ve seen in them:

• hyper sensitive to criticism
• catastrophizes any issues (which can be hard work)
• doesn’t like mirrors
• fairly low esteem
• panic attacks, needs to do regular meditation
• unable to think beyond them self and emphasise to how the other person is feeling
• keeps their distance
• exceptionally avoidant, especially of romantic relationships

Any ideas?

The best person to support your friend is d sad qualified mental health professional not strangers online, sorry.

There are good pages on Mind, Rethink mental illness charity websites for friends of people with mental illness

Diagnosing mental illness is far more complex than picking out a few symptoms and seeing what some strangers think.

If you want to support your friend, ask what will be helpful.

Help how?

Is this a romantic partner?

If this person doesn't want to talk about their problems with you, really the only thing to do is butt out and rethink the "friendship".

No they already know what is wrong with them, I would like to find out what the issue is.

It’s actually the father of my child. Long story which I would prefer not to going into. But we had a difficult break up, we are getting along much better now. I can’t pry too much. But in order to help with communication for my daughters sake it would be good to know what is wrong with him

But as you say it’s not easy to diagnose.

How would knowing his diagnosis help you communicate with him?

A good rule for how to communicate with someone with mental health issues is, the same as everyone else.

Talk to him as an individual, not a condition. If you think some changes might be helpful, suggest them, or ask what he would find helpful.

It would help massively know what is wrong with him. Because right now, I’m clueless. As he is over sensitive I would like to know his triggers.

I agree, knowing his diagnosis WOULD help you communicate better with him. My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder and you have to approach things very cautiously and be careful with the way you word things. I would imagine it's the same for many mental health issues. You could read up about what you suspect it might be and see if there's any support for you. I occasionally attend a friends and family support group which is great for getting support on ways to improve your relationship with your loved one, there are also many books on how to live with a BPD sufferer (not saying that's that he has), so you're not wrong to be curious about what he has! Mine and my sisters relationship has improved tremendously now I know how to communicate with her effectively.

People with the same diagnosis have the same diverse array of communication styles as people with other diagnoses, or no diagnosis at all. And some people have "triggers", whilst others have none. Again, a diagnosis won't make them any clearer to you.

Rather than saying "what's wrong with you", how about directly asking "is there anything I can do to make things easier for you"?

Mrs Maisels, I’ve tried that exact approach you suggested. Coming from that stance, and he just basically denied having a mental health issue which isn’t the case. He is emotionally unstable and a few years back had some form of break down before he met me. I don’t think he free of this illness. But due to our history I don’t think he feels comfortable opening up yet.

Part of me wanting to know is we are spending some time together at Christmas time after being apart for a long period of time. I’m nervous about it tbh. And I was hoping to get a a bit of help on here on how to deal with someone with MH issues. I thing to go well mainly for my DD but to help with communication between us both.

OP I can't make a diagnosis but I do understand your wish to have more insight into your DD's father's mental health problems. If he was professionally assessed they might feel that there's no diagnostic label as such that would serve as a shorthand for his mental health issues. On the other hand, they might consider that he falls into more than one diagnostic category and make a dual diagnosis. He would have to submit to an assessment first though, and it seems like you feel that's unlikely. But from your point of view I imagine you'd like information that might help you make more informed decisions about your DD's safety around him, for example, And if you had a diagnostic criteria to guide you, then you could research a 'condition' and perhaps learn about better ways of understanding and communicating with your ex DP.

Either way, I think it's natural that you're looking for supportive input and I hope you find something or someone that can help

Thanks Pen, you are so right. I just want what is best for my DD. He definitely know he has an illness, and was assessed some time ago. But never told me the problem in depth. So as far as I’m aware he has an anxiety issue. But I think it’s way more than that. If I could research it I would understand him and his issues and be compensating. Right now, I struggle with it. Walking on eggshells and at times I find him incredibly selfish.