Have I lost it

[cheshire53]

So....I have anxiety which I take medication for. However if I have an anxious thought I believe it and even if there is no evidence I believe it with 100 percent conviction that I can't be swayed. One of these thoughts was that the world was going to end. If something seems slightly off (like my parter coming in 5 minutes late) I decide that he's cheating on me and I believe this again with 100 percent conviction. When I have these thoughts and believe them I then obsessively start finding out more information like reading on the internet about the world ending...or if i believe my partner has been in a car accident as he is a bit late I will text and text then ring and ring if he doesn't answer straight away and would even start ringing the hospitals or turning up. If I don't get reassurance quickly I feel like just going to the airport and buying a one way ticket to escape all of this. My behaviour in these episodes has become quite self sabotaging and I end up being embarrassed when eventually I am in a position to 100 know the thought isn't true. Is this anxiety still or have I got a whole other thing going on?

I'm no expert but it sounds like obsessive thoughts/paranoia. It sounds really debilitating for you, having to rely on reassurance. Have you had CBT for anxiety? Something like making a picture or checklist to go through when you have these thoughts, then you can say to your partner, I had this anxious thought and I got through it

My thoughts aren’t exactly the same but similar. If my partner says he will be home at 6pm but he isn’t home by 6.01 then I’m absolutely convinced he isn’t coming home, he’s left me for someone else, I’ve pushed him away, he’s never coming back. Just know that you will get through this OP, I don’t really have advice because I’m in a similar place as you. But I just wanted you to know you’re not alone

Thankyou for both of your replies ❤️ I wonder if cbt will help? Are your thoughts mostly around abandonment? Mine are extremely focused in on that at the moment and I seem hyper vigilant all of the time,how long have you had thoughts like this? Sometimes it's worse than others but once I'm on the anxiety train there's no getting off..like tonight my husband is on his phone and I've decided that he's obviously texting a woman,he's obviously having an affair and now I've basically told him I'm going to bed as he's clearly otherwise occupied...he looked at me like I had gone mad....I literally hate this- I'm going to wreck everything

My doctor suggested CBT but I have 2 children under 3 and no one to look after them because my partner works away during the week so I can’t do it. I’d say if you can do it then it’s definitely worth a try tho. I had quite a traumatic childhood and I was left alone from the age of 1 to around 4/5 for my mum to go on nights out and she regularly wouldn’t come home until late morning. I don’t remember it as such but I remember the sheer panic of being alone and I’ve always always worried people will leave me. It’s got to the point where I have purposely broken up with my partner quite a few times because in my mind I would rather me leave him so I knows it’s happening than wake up one day and he will be gone, which I am convinced will happen. He swears blind he loves me and he’d never leave and I’m so lucky that so far he’s been understanding but I know how irrational I can be and to me that’s the perfect excuse for him to leave. It’s such a horrible place to be isn’t it?

After the birth of DD3 I was like this and it very nearly destroyed my marriage. I was an obsessed, paranoid wreck and I was having panic attacks every single day. It was awful. I went to the GP and got put back on meds, sertraline. It help massively an even though I’m still not 100% (2 years later) I am not obsessing about the world ending or about my husband cheating etc etc.