Feelings for thepapist....

[shitit]

Fuck.
I think I might have feelings for my therapist?!
It goes against my sexuality and it’s taken me completely by surprise.
I’m very aware it’s most probably transference but how do I understand and get rid of these feelings?
I absolutely cannot talk to my therapist about this incase it means we have to end our sessions and also it’s just incredibly awkward!
What do I do?!

What kind of therapy is it?

I don't think she would end the sessions. I think once out in the open it will likely dissipate.
It's easy to feel like that as a therapist is kind, attentive, focused entirely on you and you develop a deep bond. However it's a professional relationship with an agreement between you to get you better and progress.
Sympathies though as it's rather uncomfortable.
It's most likely a passing set of feelings ..

@Bumpsadaisie it’s counselling.

@mindfulmam I think so too but how on earth would I approach it?! Or should I?!
I’m not even sure that it’s sexual feelings. I’ve really thought about it and I don’t think it is but I think it has the potential to be if I don’t get a grip on it which is the strangest feeling.
I fully understand the reasons people in therapy develop these feelings and it’s about the time and attentiveness. The kindness and empathy
I’ve had therapy before. CBT, and I made sure I didn’t allow myself to get close for fear of this happening especially as my therapist was of the gender my sexuality fit and it scared me that I’d develop feelings. I didn’t luckily.
I think I know partly why I feel this way.
My therapist shared some really quite personal information with me and I’m certain it was done in a very therapeutic way but it made me see them on a more personal level rather than a professional one which I’m annoyed at myself for.
I usually find letting loose emotionally quite difficult but I cry in therapy when I need to and I have seen them well up a few times which I’m not sure how I feel about, it makes me feel more connected to them I suppose, but they also had the same reaction when talking of their own personal life and I cried for them too and told them how amazing I thought they were. It’s just made me feel closer to them and I’m so sure that wasn’t the intention but it’s how I feel.

I also have cripplingly low self esteem and confidence in myself as a person which I hide very well (I hope) but have been very honest about in sessions. They told me in the last session that “I wish you could see what I see in you” and although again it was just a counsellor being kind and trying to encourage me to see myself in a better way it made me feel like I meant something I suppose.
I really enjoy their views and opinions on things and I feel a real connection and trust so maybe that’s partly why aswell, I don’t know.
I really hope it passes as quickly as it’s come along. It definitely feels awkward!
I’d not realised all this until leaving the last session I attended so it’s not been awkward around them but I’m worried it will feel that so next session!
I just don’t know if it’s something I should bring up in the next session.
I think I feel ok to talk to them about it as I’m fully aware of the professional boundaries and would never try and break those, but I am scared it would end the work we have done and it’s really making the hugest difference to my life and I feel like I’ve been lucky enough to have a really good match.

I don't think it's something you ' have to' talk about next session. Just see how it goes.
It might feel better once you are back in there. I often feel I can't talk about something, or In the the past felt really worked up about something between sessions but then found it settled on meeting( not always)
I had a therapist a few years ago and she was very deeply emotional based . A lot of childhood healing/ inner child etc I found I almost obsessed over her at times and it felt very vulnerable and sort of too much. She told me somethings about herself.
Now I have a cbt therapist and it's odd, we still talk about emotions, I cry and am honest , but the relationship is much less intense and more comfortable. I prefer my current therapy as it feels more normal and fits with me more, however there is a part of me that is grateful fir the previous healing deeper emotional therapy. If I bump into her now she always hugs me. It was if she was my mother figure or something. Although it may have helped me I prefer the more straightforward nature of my current evidence based but still healing therapy.

She sounds really lovely and how kind that she hugs you when she sees you!
Mine is the other way around.
The CBT was helpful and I really am glad I did it but I think I need the more emotional based counselling, that seems to fit me more and is what I need.
My counsellor is male and I am female so I’m not having unexpected lesbian feelings but instead am having unexpected heterosexual feelings!
I think it’s really shocked me as I was so wary of having a male counsellor at first and now I feel so connected and trusting of him.
My CBT therapist tried to do childhood and inner healing with me but I found it too difficult at the time. Gutted now to be honest as now I think I could give it a better go!
I think I will just sit with it and not mention it in the next session as I don’t want to make things unnecessarily uncomfortable and maybe they are just passing feelings.
You know actually even getting them down out loud makes them feel less worrying and intense.
Thank you for your advice!

Sounds sensible. No there was no attraction or any feelings fir me with the previous therapist but I found the therapy sort of all consuming and uncomfortable. I used to look at the windows and wish I could escape. But it may have been about my stage in therapy at that time.
I feel more comfortable with my current therapist who is just really switched on and gets everything.
There is always time to go back so don't worry about missed chances.
Remember any transference usually tells us about a relationship from our past, or an unmet need, or a pattern of behaviour which may not be helping us.

Which may be why I struggled- my mum was an alcoholic and so the therapist probably brought up some feelings or reminders about her.

I’m sorry that you found it so difficult. Therapy for me so far has felt like on the whole a pretty positive experience. Yes it brings things up which can make you feel worse for a while but it felt like such a safe space for me.
There were some things going on in my life at the time that I was finding so difficult and I remember saying to my therapist at one point that I wished I could just stay there all day, and then sleep there and maybe never even leave. That one little room. It just felt so safe and understanding.
I think most probably where you were at though as with me because there’s no chance I’d want to stay in my therapy room forever now! It’s so positive and beneficial and I think it’s going very well but I couldn’t imagine wanting to stay there!
I’m glad you’re working with somebody you feel comfortable with, it’s really important for progress!
Yes I hope so although ironically I don’t think I’d feel as comfortable with my current therapist as I would my last doing that sort of work.
Yes you’re right. The more I’ve thought about it, there are no feelings. So glad I’ve worked through this before the next session and not just tried to push it away. I really respect him and feel more connected on a person to person level which was probably the aim but that is all.
I think I also have a bit of an issue with people being kind to me without thinking they want something more. There are a few exceptions to this of course but they are people I’ve known for a long time.
Maybe this is something I will open up about in the next session (but the conclusion I’ve reached too!) as I think it could actually be beneficial?
My current therapist doesn’t really remind me of anyone I’ve ever known but possibly the qualities (which I’m fully aware he’s been trained for) that I really like in a person. Deep, in tune, emotionally connected, understanding, open minded, caring, kind ect and then as I have a tendency to be a fixer for other people I think revealing personal information about hard times for him has maybe just skewed my view a bit.
There is absolutely no physical attraction whatsoever (not that he’s an unattractive man, I just don’t find men physically attractive) and I’m almost laughing at myself for worrying about it now.
Thank god I was paired with a male counsellor now!

I struggled mainly between sessions as similar to what you describe I wanted to be safe in the room and either have next apot or hear back from her via email.
The struggle in the room was due to me not wanting to talk about trauma, or about the transference/ emotional feelings some of which was healing though some maybe down to her shortcomings- she was a bit flakey and to my mind she shared a little too much with me.

I can kind of relate.
I am not attracted to my Therapist but I spend a large amount of time worried that she will quit seeing me.

My T is excellent, she maintains professional boundaries etc but the fear of rejection is huge.