New mum extreme guilt but not baby related?

[Babynumber2dueNov]

I had this after my first child but it’s hit me like a ton of bricks in the last 5 days or so. I get what I can only assume are intrusive thoughts of times when I feel I’ve let family or friends down (when I logically know I haven’t- like a flash back of my dad being disappointed he’d brought me the same smash hits magazine twice, or me not taking my mums home made vanilla sugar home when she’d made it for me... weird) and oh my god, with the hormones of a new born too, tonight it just feels totally unmanageable. My husband just burnt his hand making me dinner and I feel horrendously guilty. I feel awful that I’m not spending enough time with my parents, that I’ve not taken the baby there (even though they have visited and I can’t drive). Everything I learnt at CBT last time seems to have left my mind and I can’t control this feeling. I’m terrified I’m going to get worse or get PND or PNA. Anyone there to give me some tips or reassurance? Can’t stop crying

I'm sorry to read you are having such a hard time!

I've got no real insight but perhaps you should talk to your GP or health visitor to help you manage the intrusive thoughts. I remember sobbing and sobbing in the first week after DD was born and it was so strange because I knew what I was crying about wasn't 'real' but it was absolutely real to me and knowing both those things were true was terrifying. Mine wore off after a few days but you said you had this after your first baby so you already know that.

Is your husband being supportive? You've identified that your guilt is misplaced so that's half the battle. You are a lovely person and won't always feel like this.

Thank you so much x

How are you feeling today? X

Thank you so much for checking on me! I’m still struggling, it’s day 11 pp, so am hoping it’s the hormones. It definitely gets more unmanageable from about 5pm through the night, but that’s also when I feel the hormones are kicking in. I’m going to see how I do for the next few days and if I’m still struggling I’ll see my GP next week. The only time I’ve felt like this before I’ve gone straight to the dr and got CBT straight away, which helped. The mornings I can kind of control it, brush the thoughts away and move on, just get worn down through the day I think xxx

All my sobbing fits were after 5pm, so I totally understand! And everything is much worse when you are tired. I can't imagine how difficult it must be having the baby and an older child to look after (I know plenty of people do, but my one DD is enough to keep me occupied at the moment!).

I'm glad you have a plan in place, even if you are just having to battle through in the meantime. Have you found anything that helps you take your mind off it? Also I had a thought, you said you'd forgotten the CBT techniques you learned before. If you have the mental energy do you think an ebook with a recap would help you? Obviously not as effective as a counsellor/therapist, but to give you a sense of the structure while you wait for an appointment?