I think I'm depressed

[brokenladyx]

I feel so low inside. Nobody cares or realises. I have a partner and two young kids. He works, when he's not at work he's outside messing with his car. My kids are wild and out of control sometimes. I have tried to end it all in a way but it didn't work. I just want to hurt myself to make myself feel better. I really feel like a rubbish mom and partner. My moms not here to talk to which makes me feel even shitter. I just want to call her to come over so I can rant she listens I cry and she tells me it's all ok. I'm just so alone I have no friends, I have a dad who I don't burden with my shit because I don't want him back in the place he was when my mom died. Why am I even alive I would give my life for my mom to be back on this earth. How can I stop feeling so shit and worthless. I'm so emotional at the minute and I don't no where it's come from

Bless you, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Be proud of the first step you have taken to reach out. You are not alone and people will help if they understand what's going on. The people that love you would be very sad to think you felt like that. Talk more here if it helps but is finding a counsellor a possibility for you. In this life if you don't speak up, people assume you're ok but it doesn't mean they don't care. The world can be a cruel place but it is full of amazing loving people and so much beauty. Take care

I’m so sorry about your mother.
Was she able to spend a lot of time with you & your children?

I just can't explain the feeling that I'm having it's sadness but anger too. I just feel so angry but so sad I just want to cry but have nobody to cry with or nobody to tell me things will get better. She never got to meet any of my DC's she would love them and spoil them rotten with not presents but time and love. I have no idea how to get a counsellor or what type of counselling I would need. I feel like it's unfair to put my feelings on anybody else

Your doctor should be able to refer you to someone.
I’m sorry she never got to meet your children. It seems many things you do for your children would remind you of things she did for you when you were very young.

It sounds as though grief counsellling is what you need. Grief is soul destroying and painful but also a tribute to how much you loved your lost one. I recently lost my beloved only sibling. There we were, best of friends sharing our lives and our families, so lucky to have that bond having been through so much together. That feeling that we would always be there for each other our whole lives and now I'm the only surviving member of my birth family - completely devastated but so grateful for the time we shared and the incredible bond we had. I'm so lucky that I have my own wonderful family and my vow to my dear departed one is to live well in their honour and to cherish every single beautiful moment to nourish my own soul in it's healing and because my beloved can't. God bless you dear OP. Just keep breathing in and out, each painful day passes and one begins to see beauty again. Everything has changed but there is still so much to look forward to.