Sibling had first psychosis, had to intervene, Mum pissed at me

[YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus]

Ok this may be long. Last week my brother presented with a first psychosis and appears to have had a complete breakdown aged almost 40. I called his GP who wanted to go to his work and intervene. I drove across the county to where he lives and convinced him to come with me to see the doc under the pretence of the virus he couldn't shake off. He was duly referred to crisis team same day who undertook a 72-hour assessment. I have been with him throughout this entire process, supporting him, talking to him all day every day (lots of which has been very distressing due to the way he's been) & being on hand 24/7. He has no partner, both my brother and I are N/C with our dad and our mum has never been there for either of us particularly, especially through the roughest times. When I told her last week what was happening she said oh he's just stressed, if I don't get a break you'll be visiting us both in hospital. (She doesn't work or help either of us, she just cannot handle life in general).
The crisis team have now referred him to an Early Intervention in Psychosis team, he has an appointment with them tomorrow. However because he doesn't think he is mentally ill, and coupled with the unhelpful fact that our mum is in complete denial too (she also got quite cross with me for sharing with the doctors some messages from my brother detailing his hallucinations, saying that she wouldn't have done that if she was me..) and after a conversation with my brother yesterday, it appears she has has almost "enabled" this for years unbeknownst to me.

I'm now in a really difficult position where they are both saying that I have made a drama out of nothing, my mum isn't responding to any of my calls and texts (to the point yesterday I was really concerned for her, which I made clear but she still didn't reply) and my brother thinks that he can think his way out of this illness because he told me last night "this is what Mum has allowed him to do in the past when this has happened.." whether he's had a psychosis before or not I don't know, but seemingly he has been ill with stress on a couple of occasions before and stayed at my mum's.

This has all impacted me really deeply, I have suffered long-term with anxiety and depression and was really struggling myself lately due to several really difficult life factors ongoing that I won't go into here. When I last spoke to the mental health team they offered me a care assessment as I'm the closest person to my brother, without even knowing that I'm struggling. I agreed but haven't heard from anyone and today I feel that this is affecting me more deeply than I realised. I feel as though I need to distance myself from the situation and especially from my mum who I feel doesn't have my brother's best interests at heart and may have been hiding things from me for a long time. However as I am the closest to my brother I am the one being called by the crisis team and honestly I just really don't know what to do at this point. I can't say to the docs just call my mum instead, because she's going to deny what's happened. But I need to keep myself well for my son as I'm a single parentn. I've always felt responsible for my brother and feel torn between wanting to be there for him, and keep him myself and my own mental health in check. Please help 🙁

That all sounds incredibly hard - I'm sorry .
You sound like a very caring sister who wants to be there for your brother. Where is he now? Your Mum sounds very dismissive of his problems so I would definitely distance yourself from her. Do you think she's influenced your DB 's feelings that you've made it into a drama?.
You're right that you have to keep yourself well so if it was me I would certainly distance yourself from your Mum and just let your brother know you're there for him and I really hope he gets the help he clearly needs.

He's a chef and lives in at work so at the minute he's there. He was seen by the home treatment team but he thinks he's fine, that there's nothing wrong, can think his way out of the problem and outsmart the docs. So because he is trying to cover up his issues and has not admitted fully to the hallucinations himself, or has tried to explain them as being "too tech related for them to comprehend" so there's not much they could do after assessing him as not being a risk to himself or others.
I did wonder if my mum had convinced him I was making a drama but I don't know for sure. I'm tempted to give the intervention in psychosis team my Mum's number so they can relay everything to her themselves, but I just feel she'll downplay my brother's historic mental health rather than be honest with herself and others. It's a tough one.

It is a tough one as they're both down playing his symptoms, hallucinations etc then he's not going to get the correct help he really needs. I would give the intervention team your Mum's number but explain her denial/reluctance about your brothers MH history to them. There isn't alot else you can do if they're both hiding things. However if his MH escalates then he won't be able to hide or outsmart the professionals.

I think you need to have an honest talk to docs about the whole situation because if anything happens you’ll never forgive yourself. There is a hell of a lot of illicit drug usage in the hospitality industry which may have contributed to your brother’s situation. The antisocial hours certainly don’t help either. It sounds like your mother may have issues of her own, and you may have genetic or environmental reasons to consider taking a mental health care plan of your own seriously too. You need to look after yourself. I think once you have laid it all out for the doctors (and potentially the police if you think their assistance is necessary - if you think your brother or anyone else is in danger) you can start to do so with a clear conscience.

Tell the intervention team the truth - that both your brother and mum are in denial but that he is definitely a danger to himself and others. Then step back permanently, with a final message to your mum making it clear that it will be her fault and her fault only if he hurts himself or others.

Wow that sounds extremely hard.

Have you said to hour mum that not acknowledging his MH issues isnt going to make them go away? In fact they could get worse and he could end up hurting himself or somebody else. The fact that if it did come to that and he hurt somebody else he wouldnt be able to play on MH issues as he has never sought any help and therefore could end up with a criminal record.

This happened to my friends now exdh. Hed been suffering with what she thought was depression and anxiety for months but he wouldnt ho to the doctors. Kept saying she was trying to label him. Then one night when she had her friend over. Friend said something and he didnt like it and he went ballistic. Friend ended up having to call police who removed him and a shirt while after they ended up splitting. I saw him in asda a.couple of months back and he looks a shell of the man he was a couple of years ago.

Having a breakdown is serious and not something to be ignored. I'm not sure what you can do if there both in denial but it night be worth pointing out the seriousness of what could happen if left untreated.

Unfortunately alot of the time people dont get help until it's too late

You’ve done your best you possibly can for db, your mum is something else!

There both grown adults, your mum as probably all her life played down db mh because unfortunately there’s still a lot of people out there that don’t or won’t ever try to understand mh issues. They think it’s “pull yourself together”. If only

I’d ring the care team, explaining the down play of the both of them about your db. I’d also say because of this you are taking a step back as it’s just stressing you out and you can not and will not take any responsibility for his actions.
It’s hard, but if he doesn’t think he as a problem what can you do.?
Is he taking any medication? Or is his thinking of that “there’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need them”
If so then let the gp, mh team or police take care of him the next time it happens.

I've had a lot of contact with EIP about my DH (my DH is still under their team two years on and we can call them anytime if he or I have any concerns/ his condition worsens), and I will say the team are VERY good. Be honest and talk about everything, his symptoms, any hallucinations, not sleeping, behaviour (any agitation or agression), anything you can think of will help them.

They will speak to him too and look at him and trust me if they feel he needs it they will get him in to see a psychiatrist or even get him admitted in to hospital if they feel he's a danger to himself or others.

You've done completely the right thing. The EIP team will take over from you because he'll be in their system then.

You've done what every caring sibling would do and get help OP.

I don't have anything practical to add, just that siblings experience Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG). You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it, as the saying goes, and you have to look after your needs first.

Have you come across Recovery College? It might help your DB as he recovers

www.therecoverycollege.co.uk/what-is-recovery/4-what-is-a-recovery-college