Hi,
This is my first post on mnet in years, so please bear with me... I've come on here to see if anyone has had similar experiences to me of postnatal anxiety/depression and if anyone would be willing to share their stories.
My daugther is now nearly 4, and it has taken me until now to realise that in the year or so following her birth I had postnatal anxiety. I didn't see it when I was in it, even though I wasn't happy and devoted so much nervous energy to worrying about her - I told myself it was normal and that I was coping just fine. I wasn't.
Now I'm on the other side of it, I'm writing my 2nd novel and trying to build the postnatal anxiety experiences into one of the characters. For that reason I'd love to hear from anyone who's had a similar experience - what were the worst points for you? How did you seek help? What treatment did you get, if any?
My own experience has been that I gradually came out of it naturally, but having said that I wish now that I had realised what was going on, and got help, sooner.
The problems started with me when my daughter was born at 5lb (full term) and there was a lot of hype from the midwives about her being 'underweight' and a lot of focus on feeding. I became very worried about what might have caused her to be so small, and about making sure she got enough milk etc. She continued to be small for her age for ages, and the anxiety about that didn't truly dissipate until she was around 18 months, and eating heartily, yet still small - I finally realised it was just her natural size, she was otherwise completely healthy. I was also living in a foreign country and spending a lot of time alone looking after her, missing my family, and conscious of security not being as good as at home in the UK - all these things compounded my feelings of anxiety, and in the early months after she was born I sometimes had nightmares of terrible things happening to her, or trouble sleeping because I was imagining what I would do in certain situations like if someone broke in, if there was an earthquake etc. I'll never forget how after every bathtime, I'd feel a real sense of panic at having her tiny, vulnerable form wet, cold and naked in case there was an earthquake and I had to rush outside with her in that exact moment - I'd always rush to get her warm vest and nappy on, then feel a certain relief that we were prepared to rush outside if needed. Obviously, there never was an earthquake in those moments (there was one in the middle of the night once, and she slept through it while I sat in bed staring in fear at her cot, and trying not to panic!) looking back it was a very difficult time.
The only things that got me through it were gradually learning to trust that she was fine, healthy, and not in danger from all the things I imagined - although even now I think I am maybe 10% still affected by it.
Would love to hear any stories from others if anyone is willing to share.