Anyone with BPD ?

[thefootofourstairs]

could you tell me in real terms how bpd affects you ?
I have a 20 year old son and there have been struggles now for about 8 years . 6 years ago he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome . At the time I was very unhappy with the assessment and the way he was diagnosed but I was desperate for answers and when I said to the psychiatrist that he didn’t fit the information I had read he said he had ‘atypical aspergers ‘

I’m not saying this is definitely incorrect but it really does not add up a lot of the time and after reading a bit about bpd I have begun to wonder if this should have been his diagnosis aswell as or instead .

This weekend for example there is clearly something wrong . He seems really depressed for no apparent reason . I would have expected him to be in a really good mood too as he’s just saved up for and last week bought and rode a new mountain bike . Showing him any concern results in anger and he’s been being a real ass to myself and dh . We are trying not to make things worse and are now leaving him be .
The same happens often . Xmas days have been weird , really happy and then a sudden change in mood later . When asked if ok he got angry and told me I could shove my Xmas etc leaving me totally bemused as to what was going on .
Over the years we’ve had aggression , suicide threats , basically major meltdowns and all kinds of problems that I won’t list now but if anyone could help me to understand bpd I might be able to decide if it’s worth bringing up .

Borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder?

sorry , yes borderline personality disorder.

I think if you feel the diagnosis is incorrect then ask for reassessment. BPD is much more than negative behaviour you describe and mostly related to trauma.

OP you're clearly often treading on massive eggshells with DS, and that's a big indicator of BPD (Emotionally Unstable). His abrupt mood changes and aggressive outbursts sound typical, as well as the suicide threats and depressive episodes.

Is his mental health being monitored by his GP or community mental health team? If so, they might refer him to psychiatry if he/you can convince them that you're concerned he has been wrongly diagnosed in the past, or might benefit from a dual diagnosis. If you can afford a private consultation, so much the better in terms of access and waiting lists. Is he on medication for the 'atypical Aspergers'? Is there a chance that might have wrought a personality change? Does he drink a lot/take recreational drugs, as far as you know? That could be playing a part in his depression and moodswings. How does he cope with other relationships besides those with you and his DF?

Whatever is at the bottom of it, his aggressive over-sensitivity is a worry and you can't be expected to put up with that any longer without some professional input and support. Also, a big part of treatment for BPD (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, or DBT) focuses on what they term the 'invalidating environment' and implies that family members and significant others must also educate themselves about the part they (often unwittingly, but effectively nevertheless) play in impacting their loved one's BPD. So you could do some further research on YouTube, for example, where you'll find plenty of video material that highlights and explains the underlying theory and different components of DBT. If you decide to read up more, I'd advise you to avoid the 'popular' sensationalising (and outdated) paperbacks about BPD and look instead at titles by (or endorsed by) Marsha Linehan, who devised DBT.

Thanks for the input . He isn’t monitored anymore . Once diagnosed with aspergers there was no further help and then he became too old for children’s mental health service anyway . Now he won’t entertain the idea of seeing anyone at all .
He has a full time job and is better than he used to be but he does still throw himself into hobbies with massive enthusiasm only to go cold on them after spending large amounts of money on all the relevant gear . For example he has bought and sold 3 drum kits , each time it’s like he identified as a drummer and buys T-shirt’s and rock style haircuts etc etc and then this is the second mountain bike he has bought so then hes bought all outdoorsy stuff . He was sooo excited last week buying the bike,
In a great mood and then he just seems ..meh about it. When it was bmx biking he was buying hoodies and vans trainers etc then all that got sold . Maybe that’s just a man thing as my dad is similar ?
He went to stay with a
Relative for two weeks in the summer abroad and they said he was brilliant , nothing is wrong with him , diagnosis is bull etc implying it’s me that’s the problem .
It could be that something has upset him this weekend and he’s just not saying as he’s on his phone talking to girls a lot but we are definitely walking on eggshells a lot !
I find that he pals up with people to
Do his hobbies but has no real friendships and relationships with girls don’t last long .
He is only 20 though .
Feel constantly worried about him .

Also , no trauma . I realise bpd is connected to this so that doesn’t make sense for us as he has had two stable parents bringing him up and nothing significantly bad happening ..