I don't want this life.

[ImNothing]

I've had countless threads here before. I've namechanged. I wish I was dead. I spend so much time wishing I was dead.

Preface: I have no children. No-one is at risk from me existing. Please don't delete.

I don't want to list diagnoses but as an idea; I have crippling anxiety to the extent that I can't go outside alone. I'm anorexic (not medically unsound) and have clinical depression. OCD also majorly impacts my life.

I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. I think I've exhausted my GP. Where do you go when you've tried everything?

I’m sorry things are so difficult. It seems like the right medication or combination of medications could help.
Are there good parts to your day? What are you doing for fun?

You say you've exhausted your GP- are you known to the mental health team? Do you or have you ever had an allocated mental health worker?

I was subject to harassment from neighbours in a rough area a while ago - when I moved they knew where I lived and I thought that sometime in the next 6 months or so they'd find me and kill me. Well 6 months from that actual time I found myself in much improved circumstances- by that time I had a job , had a very inspiring manager at my work and my situation had improved. I did push myself forward despite feeling awful and it paid off. I had a shred of hope and luckily I pulled through. Keep up hope OP. I did and my life improved ❤️

I'm so sorry, imNothing.

Can't add anything to what the two posters above me have said. I really do think you need counselling/psychotherapy, open ended, not like CBT.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Suggest reading up on ASD in women OP. OCD, agoraphobia, anxiety and eating disorders are all very common comorbidities.

I left this, because I thought there were no replies. I'm not really a person.

@cakeandchampagne I don't do things for fun. I want to have something jovial for you, but I can't think of anything.

@fluffygal I've exhausted the MH team here also. @ImNothing

@2020bump - I'm so sorry for you. It sounds like you've suffered so much.

I suffer from this kind of anxiety. I cannot go out on my own have not ever been able to take my DCs to school I can't wait in ques and I do not cope well in crowds. I also was diagnosed with anorexia in 2007. Mentally and emotionally tired. My doctor always advised me to eat little and often even a few biscuits every 4 hour's you need to start to build your appetite as your food intake has a lot to play on your mental wellbeing. It's impossible to think straight when you are running on empty. I went down to 5 1/2 stone and now I am still a little underweight but I am 7 stone now and no longer in danger please try and and gain a appetite I know that is hard and you may feel unwell trying to eat like your body is rejecting food although it isn't it's your body is not usto eat ing sorry you are going through this op good luck.

Is there any way you could change doctors?

Sorry OP, your life sounds very challenging. Things can get better.
Is there anything YOU can change ? I don't have any advice about your diagnoses - I know they can be incredibly incredibly hard to deal with though and take many many years to be able to manage - I hope you get there.

Is there anything you CAN do to change your life for the better? For example - can you join a yoga class to build up strength? Do you work ? Can you look into volunteering locally? I found it really rewarding and distracts you from your own challenges.

We are listening to you OP.