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Self pity

4 replies

PrettyPurse · 02/11/2019 06:05

In 2017 XH left me for OW. I wasn't overly upset as l had been miserable for years with how he treated me. I didn't find the divorce overly stressful as it was dealt with by the solicitor. I ended up with the family home which was important to me as l wanted stability for the children - now aged 16 and 12.

I had a really good couple of years following our break. Did loads of things i.e going out with friends etc The boys adapted well to the situation, although ds2 has had counselling and does have the occasional outburst of anger. They go EOW so l get more "time off" now then when we were married.

I did write threads on here about how l was concerned that l wasn't devastated by my divorce and was worried I'd break down the line, but the general consensus was that l would be fine.

However l am now struggling.

Ds1 is autistic and is not coping in college. We have always had issues and l have had so many meetings over the years at school. He is a difficult and challenging character but he is also wonderful and l love my boy's so much.

He has just been awarded an EHCP after 2 refusals. Getting to this point was so stressful, l can't explain how stressful but l found it worse then the divorce.

Ds2 is also having an attitude problem currently - although he has also always been a difficult character as he sulks, backchats etc.

I just seem to be struggling mentally and l don't know why. I feel empty inside and don't want to do anything and don't look forward to anything - the complete opposite to how I have been since XH left.

Maybe reality is hitting now, that I'm a single parent and it's all on me to sort my boys out, provide for them, fight for what they need but equally bring them up to realise the world doesn't owe them anything etc.

Financially l am currently fine....but only if ds1 stays in education otherwise l loose tax credits etc for him....but equally he is unable to work.

I have just received the draft EHCP and as suspected it is crap so that's another fight to take on.

I had a social care assessment for him as part of it and the SW wrote the most awful report and closed his case, so that's another issue l need to formally complain about.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really. I just want to get back to how l was immediately post divorce.

I feel such a failure for feeling this way as l received so many compliments post separation of how happy l was, how l was coping so well etc...... and now I'm not.

Sorry it's so long. I just needed to get it out. No one needs to answer really. I'm just being pathetic and need a kick up the back side

OP posts:
PurpleFrames · 02/11/2019 17:02

It sounds like you have a tonne of stressful things going on all at once. Don't blame yourself for feeling a bit low. You sound like you have two lovely boys in the difficult years. Take care of yourself and the rest will drop in to place in time x

PrettyPurse · 02/11/2019 19:20

Thankyou for replying.

I just feel so flat. I want to feel happy again like l did when XH first left

OP posts:
PurpleFrames · 02/11/2019 20:04

I understand how you feel, I am divorced and it didn't hit me until a few months down the line. I have been very poorly ever since. I can't advise much just to have hope x

PrettyPurse · 02/11/2019 21:11

@PurpleFrames Flowers

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