Bipolar - what has worked for you?

[MyUsernameHerstory]

Hi
I wrote on this board under a different username some years ago as I got my diagnosis for Bipolar (I but I think im more II type). I've never taken any medication for it, it's been tough, mainly the guilt, regret, self hatred, resentment of the major manic episode I had has kept it safely in the depression zone since...
This week I've been really up and down, its been such a rollercoaster ride: depressed on Tuesday, singing and dancing like a disco diva in the kitchen on Wednesday, really depressed again on Thursday...I don't love the lows but what has made me realise that a change is needed is my behaviour towards my family in particular my poor DC. I've been so angry, shouting, taking it out on them. They deserve none of it and its affecting them so much. I feel so shitty and guilty and awful, the worst mum...I keep thinking of walking out on them. I know I need to change but I don't know how to do it. I am so petrified of medication, of becoming an emotionless zombie - I'm sorry I have such cliched image of people on mood stabilisers! I'm even scared of medication somehow affecting me physically, I don't know, perhaps causing a heart attack or something. I've always thought of going through the 'natural' route, mindfulness, meditation blah blah but never quite managed to reach those levels of 'deepness' I think I will need to get better, reach some mind healing levels etc...I feel like i'm too far ruined to get better.
I just wish I had some magic way of making me better. I want to be a lovely mum, I dont want to keep feeling this way, behaving this way. So I wanted to ask what has worked for you? What is it like being on mood stabilisers? Have you found other ways of feeling better? I'm so heartbroken to see the sadness in my DCs eyes when they see me this bad.
Thank you.

Sorry what I forgot to say was that we were living overseas when I was diagnosed but have since returned to the UK. I have not told my GP of my diagnosis as I'm too scared. How will it show in my records, affect my life, job opportunities etc?
Im currently under investigation for something else (physical) and my GP suggested Sertraline to help with my mood but I'm not sure if that would be a good option. He obviously doesnt know I am bipolar.

@53MyUsernameHerstory I feel your pain and was in the same boat a few years ago. I finally accepted I HAD to take medication for.my own sanity and that of my family 's. My consultant psychiatrist put me on lithium and I fully expected wake up the next day like a fully fledged zombie- only I didn't. I'm perfectly fine and have no side effects at all. It's kept me normal - no horrific ups or debilitating downs. Please go see your GP or consultant psychiatrist - mood stabilisers saved my life. Without them I probably would've lost my home, my children..and myself.

Please tell you GP - he needs to know to give you the right sort of help and refer to a good psychiatrist.. It will not affect your life or job opportunities. You don't need to tell any employer your medical history or that you are bipolar.

Thank you Chickaletta, I'm so glad that you're doing better now. Lithium was in fact one of the meds I was prescribed after my diagnosis. It scares me so much, mainly ever wanting to coming off it, as they say its safer to stay on it than to come off it (not sure how true that is though!).

I would love to hear from anyone who has used mood stabilisers or any other methods to feel better. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I know its all very individual and we all have different experiences with what works etc. I don't know why I am asking, I just feel hopeless and scared and so lonely with this right now.

You must not take SSRIs. Please tell your GP you have been diagnosed and that your mood has been unstable.

I take lamotrigine. It's acts as an antidepressant as well as a mood stabiliser.
I'm not a zombie at all. I'm me but without the mania and depression.

You owe it to your children to try medication. If you don't like it then you don't have to continue taking it, so what's the harm in trying?

SSRIs tend to cause mania in bipolar people, stay well away!

Lamotrigine is a good med to start with. Unfortunately it’s a case of trial and error.

Hi everybody, I'm new to Mumsnet and not sure how to reply to messages (please help me) xx

Lamotrigine works for me. I’m on the maximum dose, 200mg twice a day, been on it 17 years, and it’s a wonder drug. My mood is unstable anyway- serious psychological issues, childhood abuse, etc, but lamotrigine has balanced it really well. Lithium made me constantly nauseous which was awful- it felt like I’d swallowed stones. It was preferable to be ill rather than have the horrid side effects. It’s horses for courses though, but this is good for me.

Lithium and running mostly work for me.
I've been on it for 30+ years, pregnancy aside.

Lamotrigine has been fantastic for DH. He's not a zombie, he's the same person but better able to deal with his moods - so now he can push on through a down day and exercise a bit of restraint on an up day.

Whatever you do be very, very cautious about SSRIs - they can cause rapid cycling which I promise you do NOT want. Some GPs don't know this, which is why I'm telling you this as well as saying go and get yourself referred to psychiatry so that someone who knows what they're doing can help you find medication that helps.

Thank you, I appreciate you all responding. I am so painfully aware that I need to get help and get out of this state, I owe it to my DC, my family, myself. I'm so scared of the meds though...
Is it easy to get referred to a psychiatrist? I've recently had to have a long and hard fight to be heard and finally referred to a specialist for something else, so I'm worried about how long and difficult this process would be

For DH it wasn't a particularly difficult process but it was long because of the waiting times. He went from a specialist mental health nurse at the GPs to counselling, and the counsellor pretty quickly realised his issues were more complex than depression and referred him on to psychiatry. The waiting times for both were ridiculous; I think overall it took about a year from his first mental health nurse appointment to the first psychiatrist appointment. I don't know how typical that is. But he did get counselling in the meantime which was helpful to some extent, and now he's on their books he gets regular appointments and there's (theoretically) extra support available if needed. I'd say it was very much worth the wait - better late than never.

It was about 17 months I waited for a psychiatrist appointment. No support in between, just a card with the number of the crisis team on it. No support since diagnosis either, I was given medication and that was it.

It was still worth the wait though as the medication has worked wonders.