Can't cope, want to run away from it all

[Adollop]

Life is too difficult and I can't cope anymore. I haven't got the guts to kill myself, before MN step in and remove my thread, just want to go to bed and not get up again.

I can't take antidepressants, I've tried lots of different ones over many years, the sure effects are all unbearable and they don't help. The last one I took was extremely difficult to come off and I don't want to go through that again.

I'm anxious about everything. I get really stressed all the time.

I'm tired, I do sleep, but at the moment my cats are waking me every night. One has had diarrhoea for weeks. I can't afford the vets, I'm living off benefits. He's well in himself and it's not constant diarrhoea, just once or twice a day. I'm feeding him chicken at the moment and he's constantly hungry. He's a siamese, so very vocal about this and also scratches the carpet in my rental house as a protest, which is making me stressed as well as waking me up numerous times a night. I could shut him and the other cats out at night (one of the others chews cables to alert me to the fact that he's hungry, also waking me up), but I'd feel bad because normally he sleeps in bed with me. I can't rehome the cats, it would break my heart and more importantly my daughter's.

My relationship is a mess, because I can't cope with any stress. My adult kids are all suffering with poor mental health which I'm constantly worried about. My youngest just started uni and is struggling, so I'm needing to travel to see her every week, which is stressful too, as I struggle to drive longer distances and can't afford the petrol. My mum is elderly and I visit her every week, more car journeys that make me stressed.

I've no friends. No one to talk to except my partner. My mum doesn't understand at all.

I've moved house recently, so not on the waiting list for counselling yet, although I'm receiving online cbt. Just making a doctors appointment makes me really stressed, I've only just registered and went in early this week to order my repeat prescription and the receptionists were unfriendly and disapproving. I don't really want to go back.

I need a dentist appointment, one tooth hurts, but I've a phobia of that too, and also have to call to make an appointment, which feels impossible (phone phobia) and then travel there for an actual appointment.

Life is just too difficult and unbearable. I just want to go to bed and not wake up. This is how the rest of my life will be and I can't see the point.

In my head I am giving you a hug.

Thank you

Hi,
It sounds like you really need some support and help. On a very practical level, it seems like the health issues with your cats are causing you a lot of anxiety. Could you maybe contact a vet which might help with subsidized treatment? Maybe the PDSA?
www.pdsa.org.uk/
At least if you can identify what is causing your cat to have recurrent diarrhea that might help. Are they eating cat food? You have reached out on this forum for help which is a positive step. Good luck with trying to deal with the things which are stressing you. When the big picture is overwhelming, it might help to look at a small more manageable part.

I'm so sorry that things are so difficult. Really hope you can get help soon. xx

Thanks for your replies.

I can register with the pdsa for a fee, bit will have to travel to a vet, which on a bad day is impossible.

The cat was on normal cat food, I've tried him on steamed fish, steamed chicken, special cat food for gastro-intestinal problems .. everything I can find info about online. It's made no difference.

Hi,
It seems like everything is overwhelming to you at the moment which makes it very hard to tackle problems. Perhaps just phone the PDSA and ask for help and see what they suggest? It can be very stressful if your pet is unwell and if you could resolve that issue, it might have a really beneficial effect on your mood? Good luck, sorry you’re having such a difficult time

I've emailed the pdsa, all they can do is offer me a service for a fee each month that a vet that isn't local, so it relies on me being able to drive over half an hour to a vet, which isn't always possible.

All of that sounds very overwhelming. So many worries and stresses. No wonder you are struggling, I really feel for you. Can your partner help by doing any of the driving to the dentist/vet etc?

My partner doesn't live nearby at present and doesn't drive.

Gosh, it's not surprising that you are feeling overwhelmed. I think anyone would let alone someone that struggles with their mental health.

I haven't any advice really other than suggest you see your gp and try and find a way to drop the car from waking you up. Broken sleep is awful.

I hope other posters can give some good advice.

It must be extremely worrying that your DC have mental health issues too. I really hope you feel a bit better soon.

Hi OP

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

Could writing down a list of all the things you need to do help. Then tackle one thing at a time.

Also when things get bad maybe try not to think beyond the next hour. So you will only think about getting up and having breakfast nothing else.

Can you spend some time for you to do something which you enjoy. A walk in the local park to your favourite music.

Is there anyone else who could help share the responsibility of looking after your mother. Could you Skype her so she has contact with you more frequently but doesn't mean you have to drive every week. A sort of compromise.

How about a mediation app or something calming or breathing exercises.

Hope you feel better soon x

Thank you. I do make lists, but it still all seems insurmountable.

I'm trying to walk more, get some fresh air, although it seems more difficult at this time of year.

Sorry, posted too soon ..

I'm an only child, my kids are wrapped up in their own lives and live too far away. My mum has a tablet, but despite me writing down instructions she can't use it, so no chance of skyping.

Meditation makes me feel quite stressed, because I can't relax or breathe properly when I'm doing it.

I've made an appointment with my gp again, but all they seem able to do is prescribe antidepressants.

I've started shutting the cat in the kitchen, the only room without carpet, otherwise he scratches the carpet and ruins it.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

That's good you have made an appointment with the GP. I hope the appointment goes well.

Hopefully not having the car wake you up will help. Sleep is so important.

Are you sure your kids wouldn't want to help out more? Do they know how low you feel. I'm a really busy daughter but would want to help out my Mum if she needed it?

You are right about the weather not being good for getting out. Do you live near a town. Even if it's just popping out to the shops or library or something it might help. (I know you know this!!!! ). It's just finding the motivation.

Anyway, sorry I've no constructive advice but hope you have a better weekend 😊

Cat not car 😌

Thank you.

The kids know I'm struggling, but two are at uni and very busy, the other is .. a loner, struggles with other people at the best of times and isn't having a good time right now. He won't travel or call anyone.

There's little to do here really, town is tiny and money is very tight. I'll stay in today, and visit my mum tomorrow. The weather is awful, grey and rainy.

I didn't sleep well, woke up early for no reason. I'm worrying about money .. my rent is due next week, but I need new boots or trainers as mine leak and I can't just buy cheap ones due to problems with painful feet. I also need a new jacket really, but will manage. I'm just fed up of worrying.

Sorry for moaning