DS missing (again): I'm at the end of my tether.

[Masie24]

Sorry folks. Been on here before about oldest DS. Am feeling desperate again. DS, been on sections, diagnosis schizophrenia. Now under S117 after-care and living, after many bouts of homelessness (often unbeknown to us) in temporary accommodation. He packed up again last week and headed for Scotland (which he often does).

Been in touch with him - police again involved - trying to bring him back but have just heard from one of his support workers that he handed in his key to the LA landlord. The care provider has only just been told by the landlord though this apparently happened last week. DS didn't tell us this or that he was off, even though we saw on the day that he left.

Desperately trying to get care provider (MH Trust) to persuade landlord to keep place for him. S117 still relevant and LA still some kind of duty as he has local connections.

But this is so hard - I am trying to hold down two jobs, got other kids who had a very, very hard time living with him in latter years which is why he can't be at home just yet, just had a bereavement and feel so, so rundown. He's run out of money and his bank card is broken. I've been shelling out since the weekend - access/money - but we're trying to ease ourselves out of the debt that caring for him for so long got us into.

Hoping that care providers (who vary in how interested they are) will persuade the LA landlord. We can't go backwards.

Any advice/support would be welcome.

So sorry to hear this op. Mental illness really destroys not just the lives of individuals, but whole families. Is he consenting to treatment? If so, what is his current treatment plan? Perhaps if the police detain him on a 136 he can have a MHA assessment and be readmitted to hospital for review? He sounds poorly managed bless him

Thank you very much. He doesn't have a plan - family meeting tomorrow which has been a long time coming but of course he may not be in the area for that as he's in Scotland. He does not appear to have accessed help getting back though it was on offer.

Yes, he is poorly managed. You are quite right. And yes, another MHA assessment (perhaps the Scottish Police would help - they have been helpful up to now) is sadly something that may be necessary. His present carers, in the community, are very laid back and not thinking at all about the impact of this behaviour on him longterm or his family.

That sounds very hard, OP. No advice, sorry, but just wanted to offer you some sympathy

Goodness this is hard for you. I’m sorry I don’t have any experience or advice, but sending concern.

When you say carers in the community - what do you mean? Is he under the care of a community mental health team as part of his 117 aftercare? The carers themselves are likely to be low paid unqualified workers. How is the care funded? Can you tell us any more about the set up?

I should have been clearer. He's under a MH team (specifically a CPN and a support worker) as part of his Section 3 in-hospital care (which was lengthy). Been seen as part of 117 aftercare. Not sure if that extends to caring for him when he hundreds of miles away but it was his condition that made him give up his keys and head off. Trying now to persuade him to get help where he is and let his MH key workers know that he made an error, wasn't well and wants back.

Local Authority landlord could so easily say no unless they ply the pressure. It surprises me that only today were they told - though he handed in the keys middle of last week. He is supposed to have a key worker, too, as part of the LA housing scheme but there's clearly been no liaison.

No care plan to date. Just periodic meetings with him. First family meeting tomorrow but of course DS is unlikely to be around for that. Consultant psychiatrist will be there.

My money is running dry. I'll have to put him up for another night while this is getting sorted out (one way or another). Got him money today but we don't have much left.

Than you all - I am most grateful.

Just OP. You are doing the right thing in getting him down the semi independence route.

Just wondering how the meeting went, OP? Hope that some progress has been made.

Thanks very much for asking - OK to a point. They recognised his MH issues but still said that he had 'capacity'. He walked out of his flat so has lost it. Back to square one though hoping MH services will speak up for him.

I'm falling ill. No sleep. Can barely eat and having to hold down a full time and part time job to keep us afloat and cope with the debt that we've got into while supporting DS when the system does't. His eratic behaviour - going missing from hospitals, from the community - without a word and then needing to be brought back from wherever he is, accommodated so that he's not homeless (he has been for far too long in the past) and fed.

The MH people, until he is back, won't help. We've asked about S117 after care funds because we're running dry but they're not sure what those extend to. I told them at the meeting that this was not a sustainable situation and that we were not 'OK'. Didn't really register.

I want to walk out but I can't. I have to work and I have younger siblings who I can't share any of this with as they had an awful time living with DS3 in the few years before he left home very abruptly.

Feel pretty hopeless. No doubt there is a lot of OCD here - the behaviour and the lies. It's very important he is housed again and this time intensively supported and that someone tries to get to the bottom of his issues. There is no care plan in place even though he's been under the outreach team for about four months.

The position you’ve been put in is absolutely scandalous, Masie24. I realise care for your son must be difficult for the services to put in place, but to leave you hanging on by your teeth is so terrible. Your resilience is striking.