Seeing GP at 4 pm, and don't know what to say

[stripeytiger]

I've been on Citalopram in the past, for about a year when ds was about 8 months. Lots of stuff has happened in the last 16 months, I left dh and took the children. Sold two houses (don't ask, very long winded!) got divorced in May. I have well, not sure what I call him, not a partner really, boyfriend I suppose. Children and 6 and 4. I'm feeling, well in the depths of despair I suppose. I stumble through each day, the kids are suffering because I'm so tearful and always shouting at them. Have been putting a brave face on things for a few months now but finally got the courage to make an appt. Trouble is I am really nervous, I feel like such a miserable failure. I find the children such hard work, it seems never ending, they fight like tom and jerry and things feel like they are spiralling out of control. I try to take them out and about, and at least ex h has had them last week and is having them again for 10 days tomorrow but I feel so guilty that have had such a crap summer holiday so far. I find myself just wishing their lives away, wishing they were a bit older and this horrendous squabbling would stop. I seem to know all the answers, I know its my behaviour that is influencing theirs, I'm being inconsistent with my attitude, know I should get out more, do more exercise, eat a better diet but I just can't seem to put those things into practice. I feel like getting in the car and just driving away

stripey, only just seen this, just wanted to offer my support, you are right about the exercise etc, but you are right about being too hacked off to do it too, use the citilopram again if doc suggests and use it as a springboard for your new life as you can see, im its biggest fan

Thanks Lucyellensmum. Have seen the GP and he has put me back on Citalopram. He was very kind I suppose, but the consultation very computerised. He kept tapping away on his computer and then printed off a questionnaire with about 8 questions, then scored this to tell him how depressed I was. I am apparently moderate/severe. He has asked to see me in a months' time which I think is fairly standard. I feel relieved at having plucked up the courage to go, but have cried three times today in front of the children and just hope I feel better soon. I'll check out the other threads and read your story. Thanks for your support

Hi stripey sorry you are feeling so awful
did the citalopram work for you last time?
Don't feel like a failure, you are doing the best you can right now for your family, sounds to me like you could use some time for you (which you are about to get) so maybe you could try and do a bit of light exercise then, just get started. I know it must be very hard to know where to start when you feel like this. Could your GP refer you for counselling? Sounds like you have been through a lot and could benefit from it maybe?

ive had to fill in one of those questionaires, my HV told me i was clinically depressed, that was two years ago - not heard from her since!

I'm glad you got some help though. Does your practice offer a counselling service, amazingly i have my appointment tomorrow after only a week on the waiting list (doc told me three months so nearly snapped receptionists hand off when offered this!), ive reserved views re counselling but will let you know how it goes.

stripey, you are not a failure, as i said on my other thread, i'm quite vociferous about this, we are the strong ones for recognising we need help.

Thanks for the messages. Its such a relief just to talk to others about it. I think the citalopram worked last time, but everything seems like a blur really because at the time dh was working away during the week, dd was 2 and ds 8 months and unfortunately I remember this time as a nightmare. I seem to remember they did help and I found myself a nice little job as a receptionist in a health centre but then dh made me leave that because I wasn't making a profit after paying for childcare. Not suprisingly we are now divorced! I got sod all support from any of his family, the now ex inlaws used to say,"you only have to ask for help you know", and on the few occasions I did they were too busy so I stopped asking. I do have a wonderful aunt, who I am very close to, my mum died 15 years ago and she has been an absolute gem. lem, your health visitor sounds like my old hv, bloody useless. I have moved since then so I am hoping i will get the support I need this time. I have had a little bit of counselling before, and although I found it quite easy to talk to the counsellors I didn't really feel I was getting any great benefit. I find it easy to talk to a few people that I am close to and can be totally honest with them, but this time talking isn't helping I feel I need something to pull me out of the black hole im in at the moment. I read another post a couple of days ago which spurred me into action, I can't remember who posted it but she said that her mother was clearly depressed but didn't get it seen to and therefore her childhood memories of her mother were not good. I desperately don't want that for my children. I think if anything I would probably benefit from assertiveness training as I end up saying sorry to people when they treated me badly or have pissed me off - work that one out.