Embarrassed to tell therapist

[akerman]

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and one of the things on my mind is the way my mother was obsessed with my body when I was growing up. She'd pull my pants down without warning to see if I'd started growing hair. She'd do the same with my pyjama jackets to see how big my breasts were. But she'd also laugh at me about it in front of my Dad, who was very embarrassed but didn't stop her (she'd go ballistic when challenged) - she'd go on and on about how one breast was bigger or keep telling me that I should sunbathe topless. This is so pathetic, but I'm really embarrassed about telling her, because you can't hear that about somebody and then not look at them. So even if I wrote it down and didn't have to say it there's no solution. Has anyone else had to deal with this? TIA

Thanks all. She was lovely. Big relief.

Your mother sounds a piece of work mummyoflittledragon

Delighted. Hope it's a relief. Maybe a step to healing too.

Thanks minority xx

Another one to say I was thinking of shameful things I've been embarrassed to share, and how awful that must have been for you. The thought of wanting to look hadn't crossed my mind.

I get it though, it's a line that was crossed. If/when you want talk about it, flag it up - I want to talk about something that was really difficult and upsetting for me. That way you are signalling where you want to go.

Hi akerman, first of all I’m sorry about what you’ve been through.

Second, I agree with sleepy mum. When. Read your post I genuinely just thought it was a different body, one which was still developing in the past. If you’d told me in person, I can promise you I wouldn’t have even thought to look. It wouldn’t even matter to me, what would matter is if you’re ok and let you carry on getting it out.

Whatever you decide, good luck

Nothing to be ashamed of at all OP. You're were abused by your mother and you dad colluded in that treatment. Please share with your therapist- it's often the 'most embarrassing', most 'ugly' or unpleasant things that need sharing for therapy to work.

Thanks akerman so does yours! I’ve had a lot of therapy. Told my therapist about everything. My deepest fears. The things done to me. It was so cathartic. I’ve also told a couple of friends these things too. Eg your elder son and younger dd are about the same age as when my brother was doing x to me. How would you feel / react? They, of course were disgusted. It got it out in the open and validated my feelings.

I think part of hiding what happened is firstly not wanting to remember everything or admit to yourself fully what happened. It’s a protection mechanism. Then when you finally do, it’s a massive step to tell other people in case they judge you for not doing more. Really and honestly if anyone judges me for what was done to me, they can go fuck themselves.

Thanks all. Your comments really helped xx

That's awful. I don't think it'd make anyone look at someone differently. That may be part of what the experience has left you with. Hugs- glad it went well xxxxx

This could potentially be classed as sexual child abuse. Even though she may not have touched you, the fact that she exposed you is enough to be a criminal matter, even though it is historic.

I just wanted to also say that I know what that humiliation and shame feels like. My dad touched me as a child and I was too ashamed to tell anybody and it took me years to tell the police. Some of the things he did wasn't physical but if there's an element of it being sexual natured it's classed as sexual child abuse and I just wanted to put that out there incase if ever you have the courage you may be able to report her.

First and foremost though is your wellbeing and getting through this horrible journey, it'll be a bumpy ride but you'll feel so much better for it in the end

Your Therapists will have heard this before and lots of other way weirderand upsetting stories and may well have experienced similar. Do not hold back on any detail as this will hold back the success of your therapy
You are very brave, this process will stir you up a lot but ultimately make your life heaps better

I thought everyone’s boobs were different sizes? same as feet some people as much a whole size

@akerman don't be ashamed. The shame lies with your mother not you.
I understand though. If you don't feel you can say it in person, could you email her and say you don't want to talk about it yet.
It's what I do.

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of shame.
Shame coz she convinced you there was something wrong with your body, & maybe shame that you couldn't stop her.

Anyone hearing that story will know the mum was the one who should be ashamed. Not OP. OP was a victim.

Besides... Think about it. The therapist won't care if any client has a weird body. They just care about supporting you to be happier in yourself.

Thank you all. You've been lovely. It really helps.so sorry about your dad, floofen

It's ok akerman I hope you managed ok at your therapist session and you're feeling a little bit better about it now x

Yes, it was good thank you x