My Dad has poor MH - but I don't think he is very nice

[hopeidontforgetthisusername]

I am not sure what I'm hoping for from this post, maybe just some views on how people would deal with this situation.
My Dad has had quite poor MH for quite some years now - about 8 or 9 years ago he found out that his dad isn't his biological Dad by accident when he was 60 years old. This was I suppose quite a big issue as we have a foreign surname (I don't now I'm married but did) and so a lot of people would often ask where our name came from and now he doesn't know. Not long later his 2nd wife with whom he had 2 young girls left him for another man - all of this left him very low and I worried about him on some occasions as to whether he may feel low enough to end his life. As a result of all of this I ended up arranging outings/weekends away etc which involved him and my 2 sisters which he had with his 2nd wife. However I don't think my Dad is very nice - I think he is very controlling within relationships and it would be considered abuse/coercive control. I struggle with this as it is not something I would wish to see anyone suffer. When he was going through his break up with his 2nd wife he tried to make out he was this wonderful person who says we should all support one another and blah, blah, blah with his I'm so wonderful FB posts but in reality he is someone who manipulates and controls his female partners. I struggle to want to spend time with him anymore as I can't agree with how he treats people but on the other hand I sometimes worry about his MH. How do people reconcile these types of issues?
Sorry this is so long.

Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behaviour. My Dh has poor MH and it took me a long time to recognise that sometimes he is just being a total bell end.

No you are absolutely right it isn't an excuse. To be honest I wasn't using it as an excuse, you see he has always had this controlling part of him, with hindsight I can see it in his relationship with my mum as I grew up - I was well into adulthood before they split.
To everyone else he is such a jovial man - so happy to be around but they probably don't see the real person that he is, only people who have a relationship would see that.
I suppose I worry that by turning my back on him it could push him into something that I would feel responsible for.

Slowly distance yourself and limit or end contact. There isn't much point trying to reason with emotional manipulators, they only remember what they want to remember.

You really aren't the person responsible for his actions, and if he chooses a course of action it will be his own doing. I learned this the hard way. They will change when it suits them and their self-interests.

It won't stop you feeling sad but you will feel relieved and less burdened.

Thank you Walnut that is very helpful.