Going back to work - controlling/gaslighting colleague

[ThingDoer]

I've been off work for 2 weeks because of anxiety. Due to go back later this week. This is my second long leave because of this this year plus a few other days. I feel I've really dropped my close-working colleague in it by being off and she'll be angry about it - she'll have had to pick up my work. Thing is, she is one of the main causes of my anxiety (though there are a few others outside of work) as she is controlling and gaslights me (I've only just worked this out). She manipulated me and others. Manager has anxiety too, also triggered by this colleague.

I've been put on sertraline, and on waiting list for cbt. But I have not pulled myself out of my depressed and anxious state while off work. I'm alright until something goes wrong or against me - just no resilience.

How can I cope with my colleague when I go back? I'm looking for other work, but there is not much in the area I live and my work is quite niche. I can't see a way out. So I need to cope with her, but how?

I what ways does she control and gaslight? Does she do it related to the actual work or more office politics stuff?

If it's related to the actual work, would it help to make sure that all of you affected by her confirm anything you discuss with her by email so she can't pretend it didn't happen, and ask that she confirm any controlling demands in email?

In my experience, with work issues like this the 'grey rock' technique is the best way to go - being sort of robotic, performing your role and nothing more. It's not fun, but it can work when dealing with a colleague who thrives on drama.

Thanks, for response. Yes, I think grey rock is what I have to aim for but it won't just be not fun, it will be miserable. For the last 6 months I have gone with going along mostly but I can't do it and it's made me feel dirty and useless. She is so negative about everything.

She totally thrives on drama and manipulation (I think it comes from her own insecurity). She does it for office politics and the actual work - it's this that has broken me as we basically job share but are there at the same time (full time).

She doesn't change history as such - that's why I didn't recognise it as gaslighting - but she makes me believe I have done a terrible job, can't do the work properly (it's quite technical) and has made me believe I have a problem communicating with people (I never have before and friends say I don't but I don't know any more). It's worse because no one else has proper oversight of what we do. She makes her controlling demands much too subtly for it to be recorded in emails...
This wouldn't help anyway as management don't know what our job consists of really... she bullies them too. I need another job but I feel too low to apply. I need too to leave it all at work at the end of the day but I don't. I spend the evening worrying about it and am not present for my family, and then worry about it through the night and don't sleep.