Son and anxiety (accidentally posted on someone else's thread - sorry)

[silly0ne]

Hi,

I need to find a way to support/help my 18 year old son. He was diagnosed with GAD when he was 13 and he could not attend school throughout Years 10 and 11 (the local authority provided a few hours of home tuition).

Since formally leaving education at 16, he has had no employment, training or education. I have helped him with applications, but he rarely attends any interviews and if he has attended an interview and been offered a job, he has not taken it up.

He will not claim benefits. He says he is ashamed to do so and he can easily find a job (I suspect he knows that he cannot commit to attending the appointments to sign on). He will not see the GP. He says he may wish to join the forces one day and does not want recent MH issues to affect his application. (I suspect he is just scared that the GP will put another demand on his re treatment and therapy).

I desperately need some advice about how to help him. Do I 'get tough' and tell him he needs to find some way of contributing to the household (I live alone with him)? Do I keep up the gentle approach and risk just watching him get more and more unhappy with his isolation and more and more constrained by his rituals?

I am so unhappy for him, but I really do not know what to do anymore.

Would he agree to therapy? He could even have sessions through Skype if he finds it hard to go out. It can be expensive though.

Unfortunately there’s not much you can do to make a person seek help. They have to want to do it. I understand how helpless you must feel. When my DH was in the depths of his breakdown he kept asking me to ‘make it all better’ but wouldn’t comply with any of my suggestions..i.e see a GP. It makes you feel infuriated with them as well as breaking your heart.

Is his diagnosis still correct? I just wonder whether its inattentive ADHD. It does not present like hyperactive ADHD. Rejection Sensitivity is very common with ADHD. What do you mean by rituals?

He sounds scared and young. I would keep up the gentle encouragement and draw lines around behaviours that are damaging to his health. Keep up trying to get him to the doctor. Sometimes you have to let it play out so they learn how to deal more resiliently. Let him make mistakes. What is he living off financially?

Hello,

Thank you for the really helpful suggestions. The diagnosis is probably not totally correct. I am sure he has an anxiety disorder, but I suspect he may have an underlying condition as well. Hi cousin, my sister's son, has ADD, my eldest son has ASD (and psychosis) and my youngest was referred for assessment for ASD, but declined formal assessment.

The rituals are: checking behaviours (checking that switches are off, turning the switch ti the cooker on and off because he cannot see clearly that it is off; checking my wardrobe for intruders; lining up bottle and keeping empty bottles. He also has a rigid routine at the gym and must do several thousand steps a day.

OCD can be commonly present with ADD too. I mention ADD as you can think you can do something easily but be unable to follow the steps.

I'd be pushing seeing a doctor. Medication and therapy can really help. Having ADD does not disqualify you from joining the Police. A lot of people in emergency services are ADHD. There is a very supportive ADHD UK Facebook group.

That's positive that he goes to the gym and exercises.