Impact on teenage children

[Katiegeorgia1979]

Hi there! I'd like to introduce myself. I'm an ex addict, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and a domestic violence survivor. I also have a 17 year old son who witnessed my darkest days, and although he is over the moon that I'm clean, in a happy relationship with a genuine nice guy, back at work and on an effective medication regime, he clearly has suffered the effects of the bad days. He is emotionally closed off, won't hug me, and has anger management issues as well. He orders me around and often speaks down to me; on the one hand he respects what I've achieved despite the drugs, DV and mental health but on the other I feel he thinks I've let him down and failed as a parent. He's a hard working good lad and I'm proud of him but he tells me he brought himself up and has had to rely on himself alone. I just want him to be able to move forward emotionally (he won't see a counsellor) and I'm scared I've damaged him. Any advice or support welcome! X

The brain is still developing until age 30 and there is a lot of research about resilience. I would suggest seeing a counsellor for yourself.

Well done for kicking the addiction and getting yourself sorted. My mum has depression and has had it most of my life, our relationship is rocky but for the most part ok now. When I was 17/18 I couldn't wait to get away and be my own person after such a long time looking after her and my sisters I wanted to be free. One thing I wish my mum had done and never did ( still hasn't) is sit me down and explain what was going on to me. She hid it all which made things worse as I didn't understand her behaviour. Have you tried talking with your son about how you feel and that you want your relationship to change?