Suicide - who is selfish?

[StringingIT]

People who take their own lives I have often heard them being referred to as selfish. However, if somebody is only here to please others and keep others happy - then who’s really selfish?

As someone has has felt suicidal in the past, and who is feeling somewhat down now, I can safely say that calling suicidal people selfish is the ultimate "kicking someone when they're down". Imagine feeling the most torturous mental pain and then having people call you selfish because of it.

I hope you all feel big and clever sitting on your high horses, while your words cause others pain.

Hope you are able to find some support irl, op. It can and will get better, I promise.

No, of course it’s not done out of selfishness- there’s no way out in their mind and that must be inexplicably awful. I think the anger of those left behind is justified however, however much they know how ill their relative was. My grandfather in law was left with three small children after my father-in-laws mother committed suicide when her youngest baby was around a year old. He says that denying his anger over the years really caused him problems and that his siblings and father all felt the same. They couldn’t be angry with their mother/wife because she was terribly ill, but by pretending that they weren’t angry at all they made themselves very messed up.

I agree, it’s wrong to call it selfish.
But I think it’s a way of almost ‘guilt tripping’ someone and being cruel to be kind in that I think it’s often used to encourage people not to commit suicude. people who are in that mindframe don’t care about the impact on themselves I.e the death but probably would care when they think about their family’s sadness if they were to die.

It's not selfish it's tragic. But it's easier to be angry with the dead person. It's easier to rage at them for the mess they left behind, than empathise with them and the darkness that consumed them.

I spent many, many years feeling suicidal, I told myself I was waiting until my DCs were old enough to cope with it before I did it. Imagine feeling like a total waste of energy, that you're a burden on everyone you know, that you somehow taint every good thing you come into contact with.

Imagine living with that sort of anguish day in day out. Is it any wonder some people 'break?'

I don't think people with genuine mental health difficulties who commit suicide are really selfish even though it seems that way. The cases that cause me to pause however are the ones where people (usually men) kill their families and then themselves. I think that's completely different. People like Christopher Foster for example. I suppose you could argue they also have some kind of mental illness but I just find that kind of th

...find that kind of thing horrific.

It doesn't pass on the pain.

The pain and suffering of a suicidal person is a different feeling to the pain felt when you lose someone.

I've just come through a severe episode. I still reckon one day I won't.

Several friends of mine have committed suicide over the years. And I've lost several friends and family to illnesses and old age, a combination of knowing someone will die, and surprises.

I've seen people affected by the suicide of friends and family for years, but there's many of us who can get through it because we understand because it's a place we visit.

Last funeral for a friend who commited suicide was this summer, this year. The sibling who I was close to growing up, said that it was both the worst pain felt plus a relief because they'd been mentally ill for so many years it was sort of expected to happen sometime despite all they did as a family to help.

There are times I don't understand why someone does it, when someone kills their family or the kids then themselves. That's something I've not felt the need or desire to ever do, and I don't see it quite the same.

Think of your 'regular' suicide. Say, a person who has felt ill for years, may or may not show it often, but people know about it. That person will have been guilted at least by the sorts of comments by people on this thread, if not some people in person, including friends or family.

They still complete suicide. But a huge part of what's eaten them up is the feeling that what they're experiencing is so wrong on the behalf of other people who aren't the ones experiencing their own personal pain.

I nearly didn't come through this episode. And that's a very personal thing. Not even my partner can or will ever understand it as it is for me. Yes it sounds selfish for some people. I can't change what people think. I'll always try and help friends where I can, if they'll let me. But I've learnt to let go if someone else cannot hold on anymore.

It's not right. But calling it selfish in every single instance just makes people who feel that way, feel 100% worse.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered you've described the feeling and thought I have at the back of my mind every single day, on the kind of day I refer to as an OK day. And I've come to accept it. A lot of what affects mine outside of my mental health diagnoses is my physical disabilities which are getting worse and aren't curable and cause me pain and suffering 24/7. If anyone called my thoughts selfish to my face, I'd risk being arrested to give them a very weak punch in the direction of their face. It sounds like you don't feel this way now and if so, I'm glad. I'd love to not feel this way.

@InkyFingersInkyFace I'm sorry you feel the way I've felt, it's really shit. Obviously I don't know details of your MH but I have EUPD and I found CAT which I accessed privately made the biggest difference for me. Happy to chat over PM if you'd prefer.

What would actually be helpful is if the people who think suicide is selfish could show their appreciation to the people who keep living in immense pain.

Instead, we're made to feel like a hopeless burden, expected to act fine to please everyone else, and STILL condemned when it gets too much.

Funny how the one person who's said they understand if I choose not to live anymore (they did say they'd be devastated) is the same person who offers the most support and understanding in general.

If you want people to live, show it.

It's selfish to expect someone to carry the burden of their own life for other people's benefit when it has become too heavy for them.

I knew someone who committed suicide. I feel very very sad about it and I often wonder what I could personally have done to make his life easier. But in the end only he knew what his day to day life felt like.