The last year has been horrific. I've spent days and weeks absolutely convinced that I am dying and will not live to see my small children grow up.
My mum died ten years ago. She had pancreatic cancer, and it was very fast and very traumatic. I've only recently acknowledged that I have PTSD from caring for her in those final weeks and days.
This summer just gone we completed on our first house. We got our DS a place at specialist school, which was really bloody hard work. We are finally comfortable after years of struggling financially.
But my mental health is spiralling. I've always had IBS. Everything 'goes to my tummy'. It kicked up a gear over the summer. I have pain, gurgling, diarrhoea. I am tired all the time. Every minute of every day is spent feeling that I am going to die like my mother did, and leave my children behind.
Every day I wake up, go to the loo 3 or 4 times and have panic attacks that I won't be here this time next year.
I am having therapy but it's slow going. I appreciate having space to talk it out but I haven't made even baby steps forward yet.
DH is fed up. I'm fed up. I don't see a way out of this. Has anybody been through similar? How did you recover?