I havent been on much past week. I have had a quick lurk around but havent really had the energy to contribute to anything or to even moan. Im at mums at the moment, but slowly going crazy as I am just so bored! Thankfully going back tonight to mine! I havent been sleeping at all for the past week, and its not because of dd. She sleeps throughout the night. I go to bed sometime between 10-12 at night, depending when Im tired. Ill then be lying there til gone 2am usually as I have so many things going through my mind. When I do go to sleep, I find myself waking up at 4am, then 6am, and again either 8 or 9am. I wouldnt mind if I had about 4 hours sleep straight, but all this broken up sleep makes me feel worse.
I went doctors today, as I did go through all of this at the beginning of the year, in which I took a nasty turn, and my mum and exp had to look after dd between them as I was stuck in bed. She's given me sleeping tablets which are a form of ADs but not strong enough to do much. I am also waiting to hear from a counsellor about an appointment to see him/her. Doctor doesnt think i have depression yet, but thinks part of it is because Im not having much fun in my life. I would have loved to have gone to mumsnet meetup last night but just didnt have the energy or the money.
im hoping to go to dp's next weekend whilst mum looks after dd, as i think it will cheer me up. Im also starting college friday, and Im doing another two courses which start later on in October. Ive signed up for volunteer work, and Im hoping all this will keep my brain from seizing up as thats what it feels like its going to do. Im still job hunting. Mums going to talk to dad about maybe trying to get me a car (not that I can afford insurance), as we both think that I feel restricted as I cant really get anywhere with dd. The only options I have are the park, Tumble Tots, or town. Or the garden lol. I think like I dont know what to do with dd. I do colouring in, painting, playing, songs, watching tv, reading and even playing computer games with her (toddler ones on computer, not playstation games lol). I feel like there are only a limited of things I can do with her, and with the winter months coming, I need new ideas of what I can do with her (probably will start another thread in parenting or something later on)
Im worried about Xmas and dd's 2nd birthday. Im only going to be able to afford a couple of things each for her, and I know shes going to be spoilt by everyone else which I dont mind and I dont mind just giving her a couple of pressies, but does make me feel bad that I dont have the option to spoil her myself, IYKWIM. My sister's really pissing me off too. She keeps making jokes that dd will turn out just like her, and I swear to God if she does then I will have to pack my bags and move to the other side of the country! Ok a little bit extreme, but I will hate to think she'll turn out one little bit like her! I just wouldnt be able to handle it!!
Okay think Ive moaned enough. I didnt really want to do it on here, as I think I moan enough on here as it is. I really appreciate anyone that reads through all of this, as there is alot but has made me feel slightly better getting it all out as noone in RL is willing to listen to me at the moment, or at least not for the next 6weeks til I get my counsellors appointment. Thanks. Love tb xxx