Am i alone in feeling like this?

[lizziehoney]

I feel so low I just don't know where to begin. Basically, dh and me are having financial problems at the moment. It's a long story, but the upshot is that probably the next few years are going to be a struggle. We both work, and our dds are 14 and 10, so there are no major childcare issues. But it all just seems so hard. We're going to have to downsize because we're not coping with our mortgage, and I worry constantly about how our dds will feel. We'll have to move further out of town to a much smaller house, the girls won't have their school friends across the street etc.I hate the fact that we're in this mess, though we havent been stupid with money. Its just one of those things - no different from what loads of people have to face. So why do i feel so useless and worthless and GUILTY about it? I know I'm a 'glass half empty' person- I always expect the worst, and i so wish I could be different. I'm also terrified of change. I know that - any kind of change throws me right out of sync, even if its change in a positive way. It makes me feel so feeble saying that but its true.DH is much more practical and logical - his attitude is 'this is the problem, here is the solution'. But this just seems to lead to rows between us, because I accuse him of not understanding how i feel. It's like the money problems have made all kinds of other feelings surface. I'm lying awake every night feeling like a rubbish mother and a rubbish wife. Am i going to pass on all my insecurities/hangups to my daughters?I wish my life wasn't like this. I feel like everyone else is getting on with living and I'm watching life from the sidelines and feeling disatisfied. Then I feel guilty for being so bloody self obsessed. Am i depressed? Please help me. I hate my life and i hate myself.

lizziehoney, you are a strong woman who will get through this it is just a small part of your life in the end. Take care, good luck.

Thanks liliac. I've also been reading the thread from lightningsal and found that so helpful. I can really identify with how she describes the loss of excitement about life, the feeling of 'is this it? should there be more to life? is everyone else experiencing life in a different way?'
So that's helpful and makes me feel at least this isn't just me.
I've made an appt to see GP today. I'm nervous about it, but am thinking more and more that maybe i need some help to get through this.

You're not alone at all, and you're certainly not feeble. I too feel like everyone is getting on with life, and i am watching from a distance - and also feel as if no-one notices how i'm feeling.

It sounds to me as if you are suffering from depression, and you're doing the right thing by going to your GP. He may prescribe AD's - these will help to level you out, so you can start to think more rationally about things.

You're not a bad wife, or a bad mother - posting your worries shows how much you care and is the first step to overcoming this. Sorry this post isn't longer (have a 1 yr old wanting my attention!) but we are thinking of you, and you're not on your own.

Let us know how you get on today at the GP xx

Well, I bit the bullet and told the doctor exactly how i was feeling. He's prescribed anti depressants. Not sure how i feel about it, but glad that I've made a step forward. I'm a bit anxious about the possible side effects mentioned in the information sheet - I know they need to put everything down no matter how rare, but it still freaked me out a bit. The other thing I'm wondering, can anyone who's on ADs tell me how long they usually take to kick in? Thanks

I've been on various ones - they took me 4-6 weeks to kick in and can make you feel pretty rough for the first week or so, so be aware of that and try not to get freaked out. Best of luck xxx

lizzie, i am on ADs, citilopram 20mg. I have been taking them for about 9 days now and i feel better already. There are a few threads on here about this at the moment.

Have you considered some debt counselling to help you through. We are in a similar situation financially, and it is exacerbated by the fact i am a SAHM, i just cant face working just now. Although im sitting here at my part time job that keeps me sane, it doesnt bring enough money in. I am totally with you regarding the feeling of guilt, but really it is uneccesary. You do what you can, it just seems that there is always someone demanding cash, it never ends. sometimes we just dont open the mail, hardly ever answer the phone. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and with the help of the ADs i am catching glimpses of it.

I too was really worried about side effects and the pills sat in my drawer for a few days whilst i fretted about it. I got to the point where i thought, the side effects can't be as bad as what i am going through, ive nothing to lose. And they do really work, some people have reported on the other threads experiencing some rough effects but in general they tend to sort themselves out and work well.

Best of luck LEM

I too am on citilopram, a 10 mg dose, though i read in the leaflet that sometimes you're started on a lower dose which may then be increased if necessary. Thanks for the advice - it really helps to know I'm not the only one.

Am glad you're OK lizzie.

Hang in there with the AD's. They can take weeks, or as you can see in LEM's case, a matter of days. Don't feel disheartened if you don't feel an immediate lift.

I was on 30mg Citalopram for 4 months, and didn't experience any side effects at all (although I'm now on a trycilic instead, and they're making me randomly burst into tears ).

You took the first step by going to the GP. Stick with it, and in time things will get easier xx

lizzie, hows it going? Just wondered if your meds have kicked in yet?

Does anyone know if the fact that i feel like shit in the morning (miserable and scared) until i have my tablet is because i need a bigger dose, im on 20mg?

Had counselling assesment today, went on about it on another thread - it seems i'm officially barking Why am i pleased about that? because now i know ITS NOT MY FAULT!!!!! the same as it actually isnt any of our faults that life is dealing us a rough cut just now.

hope you feel better soon lizzie xx

lucyellensmum, hugs to you. You've been like a lifeline to me the last few days, I've been reading your posts on this and other threads and it helps SO much just knowing that other people are thinking of me and sending positive thought waves! Well, I'm on Day 2 of the citilopram. My mouth has been very dry, and I woke in the early hours of the morning feeling very restless, but it's difficult to know whether these are side effects, because tbh I've been having various physical symptoms amyway due to being depressed. Anyway, nothing too major. I wonder whether the morning thing is simply the natural pattern with depression? I certainly feel like rock bottom the moment i awake, and my instinct is to turn over and just try to escape back into sleep. I've had to force myself out of bed and make myself busy and I generally find that the day gets better as it goes on. It helps a lot hearing other people say 'It's not your fault. It's just life dealing us a shit hand right now'. I'm trying to hang onto the fact that things WON'T feel like this forever.

lizzie, you are right, they wont be like this forever, i think the whole good thing about the mind altering smarties is that it clears the fog enough to be able to see that. I seem to have responded really quickly to them and am wondering if that is because although i am clearly depressed, my principal problem is that of anxiety and it may work more quickly for that state, but hey what do i know, i just takes me pills

I DO think however we have to take charge of ourselves and use the helping hand we have been given and take positive steps. You are doing just that with the downsizing. You say you feel guilty DON'T, you are doing what you have to do for you and your family. FWIW, a friend of DPs did exactly the same as that, downsized, to a shitty horrible little house i have to say - but, the upside of it is, it gave them the financial lift they needed and they poured their energy into improving the place and are now in the position to move into something better and this was all done in a very small amount of time. I rather wish we were in the position to do it, but put it this way, our house is on the BOTTOM of the ladder and the rung is slippery. Ho hum, positive thoughts, positive thoughts

I have to go now, being nagged by DP, DD and Dd (darling doggie!) to go to the beach.

XX hope you feel better

Oh Lizzie, I was thinking about starting a thread, and something told me to open this one...
I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling,and you have given me hope, all of you have.

My dh and I are also struggling financially, we are in a bad way, in that we don't make ends meet as it is, but with him wanting out of the navy, because it is causing him to suffer depression now... the seperation and lack of total contact is too much for us as a family these days, he is going to have to take a huge salary cut... which means that the house will be the first thing to go. Sad thing is, it's going to be years and years before it gets any better, and we won't even be able to simply downsize, we will have to go back to finding a house to let... and with dss ages 4.5 and 9 months, things got worse (I mean I'm happy, but terrified at the same time)- I discovered, with dh away at sea at the moment so he doesn't know, that i am expecting again. **sigh
i feel overwhewlmed, depressed, and terrified, not to mention worried about dh sinking into depression and how the news will affect him...
**double sigh

"the feeling of 'is this it?"

ooooh yes. I can totally identify with this. I hit me about a year ago that this was it! I'm the only one with anything resembling a career and I chose to go part-time and put my kids first so now it's just a job with no prospects of promotion. DH is a builder and earning peanuts after expenses - he trained as a teacher but failed to use his qualifications. We have a smallish 3-bed terrace, 2 ancient cars, we stuggle to get any kind of annual holiday. We are always dogged by low-level but manageable debt. It seems very unfair and although I know money isn't everything, the lack of it can make life miserable. I though I'd be somewhere very different at 42

But you can cope. You are coping and the ADs will help. Give them time.

I'm having a bad day today too, Ormiran, are you sure you are not me? my hubby is a builder too. He is trying to establish a business to try and break the debt cycle but it is hard. Just the only way he can bring in enough money while i wallow at home in self pity using DD as an excuse not to go back to work. But the thing is, i CAN'T go back to work, for my sake and for the sake of DD, she is used to having her mummy around. But lets not go there, i dont want a SAHM debate. I dont have the energy.

I do think that we should remind ourselves however when we ask, is this it? That, so what if it is, i mean, we may be piss poor, but we probably all have food on the table, and we have our wonderful children. I'm not saying we should be grateful for what we have, as i am sure we all are, it is the scraping and crawling trying to maintain for that that is so hard, but we should step back once in a while and think, right, what is important here. More importantly, i should listen to my own advice that i seem to like doling out, feel free to tell me to shut the feck up by the way.

Funny thing about the SAHM (sorry i know you said you didnt want to go into that) but I really believe that for me personally going back to work is what has caused everything.

I am in the same situation as you ladies, debt is crippling and we are trying to sell a house that just wont sell. Expecting again in December and have had huge family issues with Ils which forced me back to work in the first place andd kicked everything ellse into play.

Totally feel you all and I hope you all successfully work everything out.

I just feel like a complete mess all of the time.

a good friend of mine whom i have confided in says that going back to work is the last thing i need just now.So i can definately relate to what you are saying. I am neutral on the whole SAHM/WOHM debate as i think it is a matter of what works best for each individual and family. for me, at the moment, im not able to work. Although i am sitting here at my part time job (which i only do once a week and the money is negligable) typing this.

I agree with your good friend lucy. Totally. I was OK with my oldest 2 but as soon as DS#2 was born work became a struggle and it has really brought me down. After 2.5 weeks off I am almost human again. It's just exhausting. Doing one or the other is fine. Both is a nightmare unless presumably you can afford help in the house and with the kids.

Hi there

I read a great article which kind of relates to what everyone is experiencing. I too am in this limbo of work/mum world and sometimes I feel I can't make the correct decsion. Have a read www.babyfy.com/index.php/features/3058/Denise-Tyler/Guilt--The-Final-Frontier/

work was the best thing for me - but thats gonna start a sahm/wohm debate! I'm not sure i'd be here today or if the kids would be if i'd stayed at home.

I found being in constant demand from these little beings an absolute drain and i flet far from human. I blamed them for how i felt too. I went back to work when they were 5 months and never looked back. Although I am still on the AD's i feel like I have a life, that I am being someone other than, mum, wife, skivvy.

My life is far from perfect don't get me wrong (for those of you that have read my other thread ykwim), but as far as how i feel inside i am the most balanced i can be....i think!