I know we all look like our parents in some ways, but is there anybody else who finds that just looking in the mirror can be a horrific trigger if you see yourself at certain angles that look like your abuser, if they were a parent?
Sometimes I feel my body is a cage, I can't escape it and I can't escape the reminder it gives me of who she is. I sometimes catch myself sideways and just want to vomit.
It seems so unbelievably cruel. It's also getting worse as I age, because I didn't know my mother when she was younger. I am thinking of having botox purely to avoid getting the same lines in my forehead as she had, but then I think why should I? I don't want to freeze my forehead! But, better that than not even be able to put cream on my face. I've also put on weight and angles of my stomach (in clothes) catch me in the mirror as being how I remember hers. I am happier in stretch-marked, cellulite nakedness some days than in clothes. Not that that's a real possibility.
I hate her for complaining so much about her life and how much she had to give up because of me, how difficult I was, how she already wished she'd been able to get rid of me when I was 6 weeks old, when she's then given all this on to me. She definitely had no problems catching sight of herself in the mirror, unless she'd put on some weight and was worried about what men would think of her, or whether some other woman would look better than her.
I just wish I could rip my skin open and walk out of it to get rid of looking like her, but I've never come across this from anybody else. I am wondering if, especially as we age, other people who look like their abusers go through this too?