Had enough now and can't see a way out

[CheeseOnToastMmm]

Argh I am so mad at myself I've been pretty stable for a while and now I am back to being a big fat mess. I have ptsd and take meds. I am now signed off work as I can't even get into my car to drive myself to work, using friends to do school runs as the amount of people around me make me panic. And tonight I am just thinking what is the point in carrying on?

The point is that you can come back from this. And your kid(s) need you. Please call someone you love or a friend locally or the Samaritans for a chat.

Thanks user, dh is here but I hate burdening him with all of this when he's already been through so much with me I guess I just need to rant to someone. I need to see my gp again but getting an appointment with a female at my surgery is a task itself!
I think I'm in a mess as there's too much to worry about, work, kids, money, although that's the same as everyone else that seems to manage and I just keep on failing

Does it have to be a female? Could you see another doctor if a female friend went with you?

You're not failing at anything, this is just a dip in the road but I think the priority needs to be getting you some support and seeing a doctor will start that ball rolling.

Agree with PP, call the Samaritans. Your kids need you.

Thanks thesnap and roly, I really can only deal with female doctors due to the nature of the ptsd. When I last seen a locum she gave me a two week sicknote and told me to practice mindfulness. I appreciate it works for some people but I'm already on a cocktail of anti depressants and anti psychotics and thinking positive thoughts doesn't work when I'm this low.
I hate the thought of this always being a part of me and always worrying that I'm going to end up feeling like this again and again

Oh OP I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Please don't feel that this is "back to square one." In bad times it's hard to remember anything but other bad times. That's how the mind works. Evening is also when things become unbearable. Call Samaritans. You deserve and should ask for an emergency apointment at your GP tomorrow, not a slot in the queue. Failing that there is 999 if you can't keep yourself safe. Also look at charities in your area and what they offer.

Well OP, for a start you shouldn’t feel down about the prospects of feeling like this again and again. You’re on a journey, this is a really shit part of it granted, but the thing you do know is you will come out of this bad period because you have done before. You have already given two reason for carrying on the Dh and the children so with that in mind perhaps the focus can be on what next.

Appreciating (and I really do) how hard this is, perhaps see if you can pick through some of the things that helped turn a corner, or at least make things easier last time? The mindfulness stuff didn’t help. That’s cool, you can now rule that one out, so think what could help. You say that it’s hard to cope with some many people around would a ten minutes walk round the block listening to your three favourite songs at least pause things for a moment and let your head think about something else for a bit?

Is there anything else you enjoy that you could use to just to have a break from how you’re feeling about everything for a bit just in the immediate term?

All the stuff about work and money - worry about that later it’s not going away, but for now that can be for a different day. We all feel shit about that stuff sometimes, and and can just help to give yourself time to regroup. If DH is there and helping, try and tell him he is just so you can feel connected there too. If you feel like you can talk to him about how you feel he might be able to help with the things he has noticed seem to help. You have been through shit times before and come out of it and each time there’s a chance to understand more about what triggers hard times and more about what helps to manage them. Having a little plan for how to move on can really help feel a bit of control and that in itself can help get a handle on things. 💐

Thankyou all again normally when I am having a crap day (just normal crap not this crap) I would have a glass of wine and a bath, I don't dare drink so maybe a bath and a cup of tea for now.
I really appreciate all of your replies, it's soothing to know that there are people out there that are willing to read and reply.
I have so much anger about what happened to me and I know I'm using that on myself for not getting better which I know I need to work on but it's hard. I can't even say out loud all that happened never mind deal with it.

Hi CheeseOnToastMmm,

We're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. Please take a look as there are lots of organisations listed which could give you some more support in real life. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected] or call them on 116 123, any time.

Please also take a look at Mind's information on PTSD - it has details of how to find specialist support.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Sending good wishes, OP.