Abortion, this is ruining me.

[Cheeseandpickle1]

Where to start, I am a mum of 2 a 1yro & 3yro. Not even a week ago I had come down with severe sickness, to my absolute horror this was no flu, I was pregnant! My reaction to my DH was “I can’t do this” I could see by the look on his face that he agreed.
Anyway we weighed up the options we went back and fourth, mainly I did. Eventually we decided that now was not the time for us. Within 3 days I had booked in for an abortion I had never imagined I’d be in that position but there we were. On the way to the appointment I was all over the place, extremely emotional and teary but at the same time I just couldn’t picture myself coping with 3 under 3.
My DH was with me the whole way, but was nowhere near emotional as I was, Infact he didn’t seem upset in the slightest.
Since then (2 days ago) he hasn’t asked me how I am. That early evening I was in bed with our DS, my DH actually went to work! not for long but that’s not the point I was still surprised that he left at all!
The next morning again he hardly asked me how I was feeling, not to mention the bastard cramps and heavy bleeding I had been experiencing all night!!
What I’m trying to say is I feel so distant from him for the first time ever. He is a happy go lucky guy all the f*cking time and it’s bugging me that he still is his same jolly self even at this difficult time. He has been striking up completely normal convos with me and I’ve basically been giving him the cold shoulder. I know this is still raw but I’m genuinely feeling like this has put a massive barrier between us, I can’t even look at him right now. I’m so mad that he hasn’t been compassionate towards me plus I’m really struggling. I’m feeling lonely and I’m starting to feel depressed, I’m not regretting my decision, I don’t think, I’m just finding it hard to get over. My hormones are through the roof right now.
I’m scared that we will never be the same after this. I don’t want to loose him but everytime I try to discuss how I’m feeling he quickly changes the subject. He says he doesn’t want to keep asking me incase I’m trying to forget about it but I have no one else to talk to. My girlfriends don’t understand and I find it hard showing my emotions to my mother. I need to keep it together for my children but I’m starting to feel distant towards my whole family.

Hi
Firstly, sorry that you have this to deal with. I know how painful it is.
You are fighting a battle with yourself, your body wants you to protect the baby, your mind is trying to protect you.
Stop being so hard on yourself, give yourself time. Time to grieve, time to adjust, time to feel well.
Your husband sounds lovely, but, like all men he can’t understand and this is his way of trying to support you and deal with the situation himself.
Take things one day at a time. Be kind and considerate to yourselves and each other.
I understand the mother thing mine was the same!
I can’t do much to help but I can listen on here, for as long as you need.

user1486131602
Thank you for your kind words. Maybe I am being tough on myself and him. I do feel all over the place. I’m trying to be accept this and give myself time, it’s hard when my kids are so young and need me to be me 24/7 I’ve hidden myself in our room for the last couple of days and left my DH to do the children.

Just do what feels right, for you.
Your children will understand that you’re not well, and forget that this ever happened. You won’t. That’s natural, as a woman you are made for this, your whole being. But, we also have free will and a mind that can choose. Maybe, if the time is ever right, you will choose to have another, maybe not. It doesn’t matter, find time to make peace with your decision and yourself, don’t let it brood inside, speak to your husband, ask him how he feels.....maybe it’s the same and you could share the sadness, that’s not weakness, it love.

user1486131602
I knew this would of effected me negatively but I didn’t think this bad, but like you said naturally we are built for this.
Like you also said, maybe I’ll have another in the future and maybe I won’t either way it will be down to us and what bet will happen it will be at the right pace and right time.
Thank you for your words.

I was wondering how you are?

Maybe find an abortion doula or a grief counselor

So sorry you feel like this. However, remember that he has also just ended a pregnancy. Maybe this is his way of coping with it and he could be feeling very sad inside. Communication is key here, hope you can find a way forward x