Feeling suicidal

[Star8181]

As the title says really, it keeps coming in waves. Ongoing issues - I’m seeing a counsellor weekly for an eating disorder. What will happen if I tell her I’m suicidal? I don’t want anything happening to my children. I’m too much of a wimp to actually do anything, it’s just all I can think of to end the physical and mental pain I’m in when it comes over me. I’m not on any medication, I’m thinking of going to the GP but I’m scared.

Hi Star, I have no experience in what you're going through, I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. I think a counsellor treats everything you say as confidential unless you tell them you might harm yourself or others. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell her though - I think she will just be obliged to try and get you extra help. I would tell your GP. Admitting you have these feelings is the first step. Good luck OP.

You've taken a good step reaching out here. Keep talking and do go to GP. When I went I wrote it down and handed it over on a piece of paper. It helped. Best of luck. You are not alone. Mumsnet will carry you.

Hope you're OK op, not sure what would happen if you told the councillor but thought I'd give a little bump and hopefully someone will be along soon to help.
Stay strong

Do tell your counsellor, do tell your gp. If your feeling that way now then do phone semaritans. Medication, Minfulness, Lifestyle changes, cousellinng may all help.

I was in this situation. Was feeling suicidal and wanted to kill myself, sat with the means to do it in my hands. Felt so scared and alone. Didn't want anyone to know.

I emailed the samaritans, hid what I had in my hands, and went to bed. When I got up in the morning the samaritans has replied, and although I felt very low, I wasn't feeling suicidal any more.

I have felt like this 3 times in total, and emailing the samaritans definitely helped, just know there was someone else there who cared. The 2nd and 3rd time were easier to deal with cos I'd felt like it before.

I made a GP appt and told them about it, who put me on medication. It took a few goes to find the right one, but we got there in the end.

I'm now drug free and although don't always feel the happiest, I don't feel as low as I did then.

It's important to remember: you do matter and you're not alone.

Hi OP. Just to say I’m in a similar situation - also suffering with an eating disorder and suicidal. It’s a horrendous, unbearable way to live so it makes sense that your brain is trying to find a way out of it. I also see a therapist weekly usually, but twice a week in times of crisis. I’ve been talking to her about suicidal ideation for months and months and as long as I can tell her at the end of the season that I can keep myself safe then she doesn’t tell anyone else. When this slipped over into planning and being actively suicidal, I had to tell my mental health team or she would have broken confidentiality and called my GP. It’s to do with risk. I would encourage you to talk to her about it, it’s so hard but being on your own with these thoughts and feelings is worse and ultimately makes them more powerful therefore more dangerous. Also do try and see your GP if you can, see they aware of your eating disorder/are you under any MH team/specialised treatment? Also, to echo someone above - the Samaritans can also be a great option, I’ve uses them several times and it has helped so much just to be heard.

Thank you everyone for the kind replies, I will go to the doctor tomorrow, I just hope I can bring it up, but I have realised I can’t continue like this, it’s impacting on my life and my children’s. Still having these waves of feeling like I want to die but just trying to get through an hour at a time.

@glitteringfishy I think we’ve ‘spoken’ before on another post over at Eating Disorders - I’m seeing a counsellor weekly at the moment and it’s brought up some difficult things which has sent me into a bit of a downward spiral I think. But I will bring it up this week as I really need the support. I see the GP for other health issues but they never bring my eating disorder, just ask how my weight is doing. I just say I’ve put on weight (not true, I’ve lost) and he says that’s good. Sorry to hear you’re feeling the same. Eating disorders and being suicidal are both lonely places to be, so good to have support and chats here.

So I got sertraline 50g from the doctor today. Not my usual doctor, a locum. Didn’t really ask me any questions, just told me to come back after 2 weeks. I haven’t taken the tablet yet... too nervous of the side effects

You’re right, we have spoken before - my memory is bloody awful. It’s a tough one starting meds isn’t it, I always fear the side effects too and especially worry about it making things worse on the short term. Have you taken them before?

It is incredibly lonely living with these illnesses, and so important to talk about whether on here or in real life. I sometimes feel even more lonely posting here though I think, if noone responds it can feel even more isolating. You are welcome to PM me, although I fear it might be a case of the blind leading the blind judging it might feel less lonely.

@glitteringfishy hope you’re okay. I decided to start taking the sertraline today after my eldest asked why I’m always sad and grumpy :( But here I am at 1am wide awake unable to sleep (not like me at all) and I’ve had terrible diarrhoea and nausea all day (sorry for the TMI). Not sure whether I can take another tablet again or not!

Hello Star, glad you've seen your GP. Hopefully you'll start feeling better soon. The sertraline will probably take a week or so to start kicking in, so you'll need to persist with it. I wouldn't take another today, you'll probably have absorbed some of it anyway. Wait until 24 hours after your last dose.

I don't have personal experience of eating disorders but from friends who do I know how difficult they are to live with. Your counsellor is there to support you & the more they know about how you are feeling the better they can help & support you. Your GP will support you as well & should work with you to find the right medication that will make a difference. You are doing great, you've got this

Thank you @DramaAlpaca, I’m going to stick with it, although already dreading taking another tablet as it made me feel so ill. We’re meant to be going to a party this afternoon which won’t be fun if I have an upset stomach! Anyway, I’m trying to think of the greater good!

Do talk about your feelings and side effects of the medication - with friends and your gp (definitely book a follow up appt). If you do start feeling suicidal, you can call the Samaritans or go to an A&E department. If your thoughts are becoming more frequent or serious then ask for a mental health referral to a crisis team.

Just to be aware antidepressants can take 4-6 weeks for you to feel an improvement in mood so don't necessarily expect a change immediately, lots of people stop because they think it takes too long, but combined with therapy is important. It is common for therapy to make your MH worse before it gets better. Many people do experience suicidal thoughts and intrusive thoughts and it is looking at coping mechanisms for this, seeking the appropriate help and knowing those feelings can and do pass.
Hope you start to feel an improvement soon