Anyone with bipolar who can cheer me up a bit?

[FlamingoWingo]

Type 2. Have been on lamotrigine for nearly two years. It has taken away the suicidal depressions but hasn’t affected being hypomanic (it happens every time I am stressed/excited) then I still have the resulting depression. Thinking of trying lithium next..

Just been signed off work (for the first time in 2 years) and am SO frustrated and fed up. Feeling really low, my house is a tip and I am irritated by my children, which they don’t deserve.

I did the school run without having a shower, look like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards, and am still working to to getting in the shower now (got back into pyjamas when I came home) Can’t even face going to the shop.

Also dealing with credit card debt after some unwise hypomanic purchases -

Anyone with any comforting stories of recovery?

Or, even lighthearted stories of behaviour when ‘up’? (And, of course, I know it is not funny, but I can look back and see the comedy side of a few of my episodes - I’m in a “If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry” place right now!)

I've been binge eating (such as a tub of heroes from Tesco which made me feel sick but I had to finish them & felt ill all the next day), & overspending like crazy on eBay especially (so I've had to give my debit card to my sister to look after).
Got literally 4 bookshelves groaning with books mainly on ww2...
3 wardrobes & several drawers full of clothes many of which I bought in case I slim into them haha.
Awaiting £50 worth of pointless Christmas stuff from the Amnesty catalogue (I paid by cheque...).

Also finding it hard to shower - got to shower before work tomorrow but feeling sooo tired now I want to rest but if I don't shower now I won't have time before work sighhh....

I’m feeling low, too. I’ll be ok, I’ve been here before. Going to bed early and browsing shops online but with my cards well out of reach helps...

So, my fave story of being full-on manic was The Business Trip To London. I was convinced my extremely shitty employers (dealt with by a Rottweiler lawyer down the line) were going to meet me at the station as I departed AND SACK ME. I moved around the train, locking myself in the loo as I reckoned they would get on at Stockport and drag me off. I upgraded to First at Stoke-on-Trent and then I relaxed as I reckoned they were too cheap (true) to get me at Milton Keynes. I properly relaxed with lots of lovely gin. I stayed at a friend’s, drank loads, had a living room disco, and then the next morning I headed to a meeting where I talked shit for two hours. They were actually headhunting me, I well and truly fucked that up. I then wandered around the city of London, grinning like a loon as I’d given them the slip and I was phoning one of my team so he could report on the whereabouts of the CEO (Bond Villain) and his evil sidekick. Lovely team member said it was like talking to me in full on James Bond film. I got on the train home moving carriages and then changing several trains. I was quite enjoying myself, I rang a board member with my paranoid delusions and talked nonsense to him for half an hour. I got home and my partner took one look and decided that I was NOT going into work the next day. I probably would have had a shoot out in the office dressed in my Bond tuxedo. Another sympathetic colleague rang me during my at home mania and said it was like a conversation with Carrie from Homeland.

I didn’t spend too much, although I did contemplate a £3k retreat, I bought lots and lots of Marimekko cushions instead.

Thank you @Tehmina2 and @MonkeyfromManchester - your stories did actually cheer me up as they made me smile because I identified with parts

@Tehmina2 - I also binge buy books ! (Not on world war 2 though 😂) and the binge eating... and eBaying!!

My DM has my credit cards right now and as for the Amnesty shop, my sprees often involve seem to involve binge buying for good causes .

Bulk buying a very large eco friendly toilet roll for example, then having nowhere to store it when the bloody boxes all turned up, and buying many recycling bins, whilst lecturing my family about saving the world while they were all a bit as I was building display towers of the stuff (it came in pretty wrappers).

Or a whole load of plants and accessories to redesign my garden and save the bees, when I don’t even garden (Whilst wearing a Save the Bees T-shirt. And necklace.)

I once bought a tortoise online as well. And forgot I’d done it. I’m used to lots of amazon parcels arriving after I’ve been hypomanic and bought lots of stuff to do with some new hobby. But I was taken aback to find a styrofoam box with “caution - live animal” printed on it, and it was only as I opened it that I remembered what I’d done...

@MonkeyfromManchester - I’m sorry you are feeling low. How are you feeling today?

Your story of moving carriages and changing trains did make me laugh aloud though, I can picture it for some reason. In my mind you are wearing a hat as you dodge your pursuers.

And yes yes to cushion buying! I would love a retreat right now though. Have been contemplating a £350 hoover as I feel it might make me into the sort of person who cleans a lot.. (I am not that person.)

But simultaneously feeling depressed and pretty paranoid. This is not a usual feeling for me, the paranoia and the sense that reality isn’t as it seems I have only have had psychosis twice in my life, when given SSRI’s, before I was diagnosed.

I don’t feel a million miles away from that right now though. Having some strange thoughts about what reality is and the meaning of consciousness. If I heard a voice then I wouldn’t be overly surprised right now.

I have a private psychiatrist I can’t really afford - who is on holiday.

A GP who I’ve only ever spoken to over the phone to be signed off sick, who doesn’t have time for face to face.. and I don’t know what to do. So have come to bed to hide out for a bit!

Olanzipine in a drawer as an emergency back up if my mood is high. But it doesn’t even seem high..

Any ideas? 😬

I phoned my DM, who was as no nonsense as ever and told me to get up and take my dog for walk. I tried to explain “But I am feeling really strange, and reality doesn’t seem quite right, I keep feeling like I don’t exist and it is fairly alarming”.

DM: “Well, you’ve always been prone to dwelling on things. Get up and put one foot in front of the other. Anyway, I have to go now, I’m on my way to yoga.” She has never been one for tea and sympathy though.

So, still in bed. Dreading school pick up as I just don’t feel normal enough to hold a conversation or get though those crowds at the school gates.

And it is an illness very few people know about, so I limited to who I can ask for support. My DP is fab but I don’t like worrying him so am playing things down a bit.

Sorry for long post, it feels good to be honest somewhere.

@flamingowings - those are fantastic stories, it’s so good that we are able to laugh about this. I got a kitten when I came crashing down from the Bond film. He’s white and fluffy and looks like a villain’s cat. I reckon he caught bipolar mania from me...

Good for you for being honest here. It is such a difficult illness for people to understand as there is plenty of misinformation out there.
I’m speaking personally now...so...
Things that have worked for me when I’m feeling twitchy (this is what I call that horrible feeling) is a relaxing bath as often as I want, listening to Radio 3 and lying on the sofa doing feck all. It’s hard when I’m a very driven person with responsibilities but I now give my permission to do this. I will tell people I’ve got some kind of fatigue bug when I have to face them and I’m worried it’s catching....I’m now more honest with my partner after years of playing it down and he’s continued to be fab and is actually better at spotting my moods before I am. Note: this can be incredibly irritating!
When is your psych back? Can you get an appointment booked in for his/her return? You can always go to your outpatients - trust me, don’t fear as you have to be climbing the walls in a Boris Johnson mask with a samurai sword to get admitted - to get an assessment and some treatment. Psychosis is a sign of mania so, personally, I would be reaching for the olanzipine. It’s funny but the more I’m open about my illness to myself the more I find that I trust my response to it. “OK, monkey, today’s a day when you’re feeling really twitchy, let’s try Victorian Lady Bed Rest (I go to bed with a pile of magazines rather than my usual literary fiction) and have a quiet day.

The week has got better - I’m still as irritated as feck (hypomania in me) so I’m off for a massage, pedicure, facial (I go to my local college to keep it cheap) and I’m going to force myself to eat something decent (I have no appetite). The gym works for me but I’ve not been since early June...Bad Monkey.

I’m glad you’re being honest and a huge hug to you

Thank you so much for your response Monkey.

It helped me to give myself permission to just do nothing. I’ve been so busy lately and as I am off, I feel like I should be up and about getting on top of everything, then so guilty when I am not.

And your kitten sounds lovely! I have a dog I bought when hypomanic. Luckily I don’t regret him, and it means I will have to get out for a walk at some point whether I like it or not.

Have you read An Unquiet Mind? My psychiatrist recommended it when I was diagnosed. There is a part in there where she buys a horse when manic. Buying animals must be A Thing

Booking in for a massage sounds like a great idea - we have a college nearby I could ring.

Have a twunt of an ex husband who thinks depression is laziness (that can be cured by eating more vegetables, apparently) and his voice rings in my head a bit still.

Going to watch something light on Netflix now and be a bit kind to myself today

Hi @FlamingoWingo I also get psychosis as I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type.
I take high dose anti psychotics but when tired or stressed I get breakthrough symptoms.
Recently had a few visual hallucinations on waking. The most recent was that there was an old lady's head next to me in my bed.
Very strange. I sat up then it disappeared.
My psychiatrist is aware & says that as I know it's not real that's a good thing.

Last night had a binge eat again, went out in the dark to get chocolate & cookies probably not the best idea.
But I'm starting a diet tomorrow as I then have a month before I go on holiday for a week!! I've been quite depressed too but hopefully the increase in my anti depressant will have kicked in by then too.

I just got better after starting mirtzapine alongside sertraline. Well it feels mixed episode because I get easily angry and feel a bit hyper. Anyways better than suicidal depression I had last week.

@FlamingoWingo
I’m chuffed that you took it easy today,

I spent four delicious mind numbing hours having levels of skin scraped off my feet for a bargainous price. I love Kay Thingy’s book. Maybe, a pony and a couple of goats could help me...

Your ex. 🙀 The crap people come out with about vegetables / turmeric / whatever the fuck being a cure all makes me rage. I got back from the James Bond film to my line manager asking me “have you tried mindfulness?” I quite wanted to say to the witch to say something harsh like would you ask that of someone with cancer. Un-fucking-believable.

You look after yourself xxx