Occasional self harm

[Needleinthehay]

At very specific times (for example after an argument) I feel so upset that I want to hurt myself. It stops me crying and hyperventilating, makes me calmer etc. Puts an end to it... does anyone understand?

It happens perhaps once a month, or less and is usually just something like using a razor to make superficial cuts in an inconspicuous area. One time I wasnt so cautious I think i will keep quite noticeable scars from that, and very much regret it. I'm worried that people will notice and think I'm attention seeking.

Is it stupid to think that once my life is better this will no longer be an issue? I dont feel depressed, just this occasional out of control sadness that I have to stop somehow.

So sorry you are feeling like this. I previously self harmed for years and have also given up for years now so i somewhat understand how you feel. It's important you speak to your GP about how youre feeling. Yes that will be difficult at first but it's such a relief just to share it. Although the cuts are superficial they can still be dangerous and lead to serious infections even when you think you are being careful so please be mindful of this. There are alternatives you can try as a way of easing you off self harming such as holding an ice cube as it releases similar feelings without the same damage or risk, you'll likely find more about these online if you search. I found it quite addictive and was relying on it for more and more minor things, please get support before it gets worse as it can take over and makes everything more difficult instead of helping. Good luck.