DD is 14, and never really settled at her large secondary school. In the last few years she became increasingly anxious and unhappy (and was also diagnosed with a specific learning difficulty) and struggled with friendships. Last year we made the decision (in collaboration with her) to move her to a small, nurturing independent school which she started in September. She was very happy with this decision and was fully on board. She has found the move very stressful but was enjoying it and making new friends. However, in the last week or so she became increasingly anxious and this weekend has self-harmed by cutting her arm. They are not bad cuts (more scratches) and require no treatment per se, but it has shocked all of us.
I really don't know how to get her support. In the past we have visited the GP who wasn't particularly helpful, and also looked into counselling. I took her for a taster to a counsellor but she didn't want to carry on -I've always made it clear it there is an option to do this, either with this counsellor or we can look for another. She is adamant she doesn't want counselling or to talk to anyone outside of the family.
I've talked to her about coping strategies and we've looked those up. I've also suggested she tries Childline who have 1-2-1 counselling online and hopefully she will do this. I will ring Young Minds parentline on Monday for any further advice.
Another issue is her school - she is desperate that we don't talk to them as she is concerned they may decide not to keep her on (I don't know if this is a possibility? Don't know how private schools cope with this sort of thing, and she's only just joined and is essentially on probation). While she's stressed she does really see her new school as a positive thing for the future and thinks she can be happy there. I'm concerned about them finding out (the marks are noticeable but she says she'll just always wear long sleeves) and feeling we're keeping things from them. However, I'm reluctant to go against her wishes. We're having a meeting with them shortly when we will mention the increasing anxiety anyway.
Sorry, this is a bit rambling, but I suppose what I'm asking is when do things get bad enough that we over-ride her wishes about outside support? And what support should I be looking to access? We're lucky that we can afford to go private - CAMHS has incredibly long waiting lists in our area. She has said she won't do it again, but I've said if she does we will definitely need to look at outside help.