I'm a mess, what do I ask therapist for?

[Adollop]

I've just got an appointment for online cbt and I'm not sure what to ask the therapist to start with.

I'm a mess at the moment, worry and stress about everything, have huge health anxiety issues, no self esteem or confidence, I hate myself, massive guilt about things I've done in the past, unable to say no to people or tell them what I want, Emetophobia, binge eating and over vaping due to anxiety, but if I stop vaping i eat more and if I stop binge eating I vape more. I cry at the drop of a hat. Overwhelmed by life in general, unable to work, struggle to drive, can't cope with any kind of pressure. Would rather not wake up in the morning but unable to kill myself and get it over with.

Can anyone help me tell the therapist where I want to start? I'm just overwhelmed. I want to make the most of it, but in past counselling they didn't "get" me at all, and I ended up saying, yes, I'll do what you tell me (because at the time it all made sense and I thought I could do it) and it'll be fine, then straight away was back to square one because it wasn't fine at all.

I understand what they've told me about not feeling guilty anymore, can't change it etc, but I've no confidence in myself, so beat myself up for things I've done.

Sorry for the long self obsessed post. I'm grateful for any pointers on how to approach this.

Is it online as in sending instant messaging? If so can you send that whole post?

Hi, so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. I've been struggling with my own mental health for the past few months and finally went to see my GP a couple of weeks ago. I've started taking medication, but still early days. When I went to see the Dr I mostly just cried, but the words I did manage to say were that I couldn't cope with everything and was overwhelmed by it all. The Dr was very understanding and she asked me more questions from there.
You're not alone and I'm sure the counsellor will have talked to people in your situation before, so will be able to help you through the conversation.
Good luck, you will get through it. The most important thing to remember is that you will get better and you've done the hardest part by seeking help. X

not feeling guilty is something you work towards, it can take time to be able to successfully challenge that voice in your head.

That whole post would be a good start. Any decent counselor should be able to lead the conversation. That is their job after all.

If it was me (I suffer from many similar problems to you) I think i would start with the voice in my head that tells me how bad i am, how there is nothing i can do to make things any better. Rumination and intrusive thoughts. cbt should be able to help you with techniques to quell that voice.

Good luck, I hope it goes well x

A couple of things jump out at me. You sound like a drowning person looking for a lifeline. You sound basically anxious. Is that how you feel? All the things you’re describing as ‘wrong’ for you seem to stem from that.
CBT can help you with that, and I hope your therapist can provide you with the support you need.

You say you’ve had therapy before but I’m not sure you engaged fully for some reason, did you just want to please the counsellor do you think?

This time is for you to think about yourself and how you’re coping. You’re not a problem to be solved.

Do you know the saying ‘How do you eat an elephant? - One bite at a time’

Take it slowly, don’t try and address everything, just find ways to cope with your overwhelming feelings.

Best of luck. 💐

Thanks for all the replies Sorry some of you are struggling too.

Yes it's instant messaging, so I guess I could copy and paste my post, I just worry it'll be too much for them.

Yes I'm extremely anxious all the time and easily stressed by anything.

I definitely pretend I'm ok all the time and don't like talking about my problems. I know that's what therapy is for, but I always felt like I had to show them they were doing a good job and it was going well, I think at the time I felt it was great advice, but once i left the building it had made no difference, I felt just the same Literally nothing changed, except I learnt some breathing exercises.

Im in pretty much the same boat as you, i spent the past 24 hours communicating with the samaritans. They have been wonderful.

Im not sure if this will be of any help, if not please ignore it.

I suspect that the root of all my problems can actually be put down to bad boundaries, being the scapegoat child of narcissistic mother. All my life my feelings have been invalidated to the point that i stopped having them. Its been a long slow journey back and im only part way there. Something that helps me is my stuff, your stuff, their stuff, our stuff. Putting things in catagories in this manner, helps me work out what i am responsible for and what i can say no to. Boundaries are something you do not say is another little gem. No is a full sentence -where those i trust are concerned, they get one crack at changing my mind after i say no. If they can give me a good enough reason for me to change my mind i will. But it has to be good, ie my help at that moment will change things for them, not help get them through today, then tomorrow they will beback in the same position.

I could go on for hours, being a little obsessed with "self care" and being "emotionally functional" There is a lot of information out there to help, you are really not alone there are many of us suffering in a simiilar manner and working through it slowly but surely.

'I just worry it will be too much for them'. You won't be, when we have beliefs like this we think we are too much to handle. Just lay it out as bare as you can. Good luck.

Also, let them know you feel like you need to show them you are doing a good job. They have heard it all before, just go in there with all your stuff and dump it out. That's what therapy is for. That's what you are paying for.

Your therapist is trained to deal with your issues Adollop. It won't be too much for them. Please don't feel that you are too much for them.
Therapists are very good at pinpointing what needs to be addressed first.
A good therapist will help you to feel comfortable within the session. You might feel very tired afterwards, and need a bit of time to process it, but that is normal.
Good luck x

Thanks for all the helpful tips and comments.

I'm sure I've mentioned most of these things at my previous therapy and they just said, well let's deal with one thing, for example self esteem, and then never came back to the other stuff, so at the end I felt I'd got nowhere really.

Yes, I think it's linked to my childhood, I never felt good enough, certainly from being a young teenager, and had an emotionally abusive first husband, which may have contributed.

Have you tried CBT?

No, but this is going to be CBT.

It’s much more about how you act and the choices you make rather than analysing and rehashing the past. I found it helpful. Good luck.

Have you been able to speak about your childhood and abusive H, during therapy, in the past?

I have lots of issues and it wasn’t until the third therapist that I got anywhere. She specialised in childhood issues and she was just amazing. It wasn’t until I talked about my childhood that I was able start getting better.

I've spoken about my marriage, yes, but still feel very bitter and unhappy about the whole thing. I've spoken about my father and not being good enough, but it hasn't helped unfortunately.