Help

[Pinkterest]

I’m depressed (I think) and worried about suicide

Depression is hard!But know you are not alone in your struggle with it.Please see someone asap!!Unfortunately anxiety and depression run in my family but medicine works for my mom,myself and my daughter.I knew the signs to watch for in my kids and recognized what was happening with her at only 14,she sees a therapist as well.
So get yourself to see someone now.You can make your life better again.
You ARE worth it!!!❤🤗

The thing is I have been thinking about suicide for a little while and have thought about it more and more. I think about it daily now and it scares me. I can't speak to my GP because if I do I will lose my job. Then I will be in an even worse place. I am between a rock and a hard place

Please call The Samaritans on 116 123. It's confidential and 24/7 xx

Talk to us. What is going on in your head right now? We're here.

I'm not happy and feel completely hopeless. I have alway undermined this feeling and been of the opinion that depression doesn't exist and I should 'man up', now it feels very real

I've tried the Samaritans but I can't bare the softly spoken and 'mmm', 'uh huh' approach

What makes you think you will lose your job if you speak to your GP?

If "manning up" fixed depression, it wouldn't exist. You can no more tell someone with depression to man up than tell someone with a broken leg to heal up. It feels really because it is.

Depression is clouding your judgement on suicide and it will feel like an option because depression is making it seem it is the only one or the best. It absolutely is not.

How is life for you at the moment?

Is there anything for you at the moment that does make you feel happy? Is it a general low mood you're experiencing or are there ups and downs?

Because it will be frowned upon in what I do.

I know that, but I have never personally been particularly down in my life and as someone who hasn't suffered from depression or even very many issues I have never been able to understand what it feels like.

I've never really had a plan for my life, all I knew is that I wanted to be successful and do my best at everything. But recently, and rapidly the few hopes that I have, have started to become less appealing and are no longer a motivation. I find myself thinking about the end of my life more than the rest of my life.

Generally though, my life has been absolutely fine, no real struggles or significant moments and nothing that could cause this.

@FatChloe it started with me having ups and downs. I'd go from being completely paralysed with sadness and it would make me completely cut off from the rest of the world, to then driving in my car singing along to songs on the radio. I don't have those happy moments now

It is definitely time to see your GP I think. There are lots of ways to start to get a handle on this that aren't medication if that's what's worrying you. Talking therapies and mindfulness can both help, and I really can't imagine either of those being frowned upon, but forgive me as I don't know what you do for work so I'm struggling to see anything being frowned upon when it comes to accessing the treatment you need for your mental health.
Depression is a funny thing I think because you can't just snap out of it, of course, but at the same time there are lots of little things you can do to help. And sometimes the very action of doing them, little bit by little bit, can make you feel better even if it's only because you feel like you're doing something about it.
For me, the Headspace app helped more than I would have believed. It gave me a little bit of time each day to realise that everything was ok. The trial is free though and worth a try.
I also feel truly at peace when I'm out walking the dog. We walk through the woods for an hour or so and it is often the best I will feel for that entire day. Perhaps it's knowing I am doing something nice for the dog, perhaps it's time to just zone out. I don't know.
The main thing for me was to acknowledge that modern day to day life is hard. It really is. Do you perhaps put too much pressure on yourself? How kind are you to yourself? I would guess not very. And you deserve so much more than feeling like leaving this life is the answer. I can promise you, you are worth so much more than that.

The other problem with the GP is the feeling of it being a detached process and the obvious pressures. I have been to the Dr's once in the last 5 years and along with the sign that said words to the effect of 'one problem per appointment', and the Dr who essentially watched the stopwatch I felt as though all I had to do was say buzz words that led the Dr to the relevant referral/advice. I don't want to have to go through explaining what I find so difficult in such a desensitised environment when actually I'm feeling hopeless about any help working. I know thats an unrealistic and unreasonable way to feel.

At this moment in time, having read articles, research, watched a number of videos, spoken anonymously to people, there have been no suggestions that have made me feel any hope. That's not because the suggestions aren't good or absolutely worth their weight in gold, but because my head is broken.

@FatChloe It sounds like you understand and have experience of dealing with this and I appreciate your help. Did you feel in a similar way before you tried the things you mentioned?

No I suppose I felt different to you, I felt like I couldn't cope anymore, couldn't carry on how things were and I didn't care what treatment I needed, I wanted anything to make me feel ok, because it felt like nothing could be worse.
Unfortunately it is a long hard slog of learning to say "I am not ok, but I want help and deserve to get better" and that is a hard thing to learn.
I don't know you but I know you deserve better than this.

Contrary to the title of my thread I have been thinking a lot, and I don't want help. I feel detached from this world and there is something quite peaceful about being in my body physically and being visible to everyone else but feeling invisible just watching the world go by. I watch people going about their day and the usual day to day buzz of life but I don't feel connected in the slightest.

I don't want to speak to a GP or attend groups etc. I do find peace in speaking with others who aren't judgemental and have no bias towards me or my life, so if anyone wants to speak feel free to reply to this thread

I feel just the way you do

@QAQA in what way?

In everything you said
Things are really bad right now, everything is shite