Do I need to see GP? Anxiety / stress / rumination / regret / perfectionism

[ruminatorB]

I need some advice about whether what I'm experiencing over the past few months, maybe even years, is normal or something to worry about and get help with.
What is a normal level of anxiety / stress / rumination / regret / perfectionism / constant thoughts in my head? I seem to struggle with all of these daily.

I work (part time) alone at home (kids go to childcare) and am never very busy so have plenty of time (too much!) to think / go over and over things / regret and ruminate... I hate it.

I procrastinate with what I want to do and my to do list hardly changes.

Use social media and my smart phone too much when I bored or as a refuge from my kids when I'm stressed. Really trying to improve this.

Struggle to concentrate. Difficulty staying asleep - most nights I wake around 4am and can't get properly back to sleep after. End up worrying / regretting so many things as I lie there.

My nailbiting has been a lifelong habit but returns at a vengeance at times.

I had perfectionism therapy (over the phone with an NHS counsellor and worksheets) about a year ago, about 10 sessions in all. I was referred for this as had sought grief counselling for the traumatic loss of my mum 3 years ago because of the loss itself and also because the bereavement raised other family issues which were stressful. Not sure the counselling has helped me long term though.

Feel snappy and am shouty with my kids (1 x pre-schooler and 1 x lower primary) more than I would like.

Struggle with decision making in general. Ruminate / research all eventualities and then once decided often feel sick and then regret / ruminate endlessly or even reverse decision. Have never had any idea what my 'heart' or 'gut' says.

Am finding that my PMS is getting worse (I'm 42) and a week before my period I am beyond irrational and so tired and unhappy.

Feel like I am grieving my kids growing up and want to enjoy them more and be more mindful with them. Worry they won't be close to me and DH or each other when they're older. (I'm close to my Dad and was to my mum, less so my sibling. DH isn't especially close to either or his parents or his siblings.) Want to freeze time and always have them in my life.

Also struggling with recent decision to have no further children. It's right for us overall to stop at 2 for so many reasons (not least my mental health maybe?) but I feel a huge grief and anxiety too, and like I'm depriving my existing children of something, even if there always has to be a 'last' baby / youngest however many you have. Previous pregnancy loss and infertility are all in the mix too. Do most people feel sad even when they know it's the right decision? Is it maybe my age at play too? Body saying try for one more baby....

Constantly compare me and my life to others. Envy the extended family holidays / grandparents doing childcare / wider family close by that others seem to enjoy. We don't have these.

Feel overwhelmed with 'stuff' (mainly kids toys and my own clothes) yet can't get motivated to clear it as worry about landfill / can't summon energy to sell it all. I've read Mari Kondo to no avail.

Sorry for ramble. I know I've posted some things that link to each other and others that seem to contradict too.... Just want to stop feeling like this and be more present / mindful / carefree / happy. The Holy Grail?

Do I have to live like this? Can I get help, and if so where?

Thanks for reading.

Oh and my eldest child already bites their nails and picks their toe nails and can seem anxious at times. I don't want to pass this on - something else to worry about!

Hi OP, there are a lot of things there, some of which are quite painful, even if they are part of natural flow of life. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor e.g. person centred therapy? The other therapy that springs to mind is Compassion Focused Therapy (see Compassionate Mind). I found mindfulness helped greatly - doing a local Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course.

You would most definitely not be troubling your GP. There are some good books on amazon about helping kids deal with worry.

wow I am like this too and could have written most of your post myself. I am also a very similar age with 2 young children and have taken the decision not to have any more for the sake of my mental health, although I would've truly liked more.
I also am kept awake at night with silly regrets, indecisiveness, perfectionism, anxiety etc. I also feel very overwhelmed with stuff exactly like you say with toys especially and clothes. my house is becoming very cluttered but I'm finding it increasingly hard to part with things and I'm becoming a bit of a hoarder. I never used to be like this.
I avoid social media as much as I can as I find it makes me feel much worse it may help a little if you step back from social media too.
I also worry about passing my traits and anxietys onto my children. sorry I cannot offer an advice.💐💐

I struggle with all these things too and have recently started taking anti-depressants. I have found them helpful in that the intrusive guilty thoughts are not as frequent and don't dominate my mind so much. It feels like I'm seeing things very differently and not blaming myself for events as much now, it does feel a little like my emotions have been somewhat numbed though.

Yes, I could have written something similar. I also lost my mum three years ago, I have a bad relationship with my sister and no particularly close friends. I also bite my nails and pull my hair, I hate it! I tried hypnotherapy but don't think I had enough sessions. It can be very effective. I also did a course of positive thinking. Im currently taking Sertraline for my anxiety although this has mainly been brought on after having my fourth child. It takes the edge of of it but I still struggle with feeling low, catastrophising, health anxiety etc etc. It's hard living like this, isn't it!! My house is a tip and I spend too much money as I like to be out of the house. Unfortunately nobody clears up when I'm out so I go back to feeling down about the state of it. I think we must be the same person! I relate to pretty much everything you say. Definitely go to the Dr, talk about how you're feeling, ask to be referred for counselling (unfortunately a looong wait) and make sure you're happy with the help they're offering, don't be fobbed off. You are not alone, the world is a busy place, we have too much on our plates. Social media is awful and most of us waste time on it. Your children are young, they adore you and you can change things, if you want to do more with them, do it. I always regret shouting and getting stressed at them, it's extremely hard not to do when you're tired and down. Get out of the house, leave phone behind so there are no distractions. I worry about landfill!! If you want to get rid of clothes/toys, bundle them up and list it on Freecycle or Facebook, they will be snapped up. Or put in charity bag. I started doing carboots, can you do that? God I do go on..... Sorry!

Iamnot, I enjoyed reading your lovely long post! Very nice to hear othe r people write with passion and experience and want to share! Very nice to hear other houses are a tip. And nice to hear others being perfectionist, can’t make decisions. We’ve had a hole in the floor for three years, maybe longer and can’t sort it..do we get floor covered or sanded? Just cannot decide.
Nothing helpful to say, but could sure do with sharing the advice! And glad to find out I’m not alone