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Work and depression

7 replies

Angel1969 · 27/09/2019 20:04

Hi
I’ve had a really crap year and had counselling but my head is still spinning. I was in a school role for 13 years and I left earlier this year for a new job that I thought was my dream career (I had studied hard to get qualified for this career). It didn’t work out as was full time (I’ve only worked part time as my son had autism). I left as I developed deep depression and couldn’t function. I spent 3 months getting better.
I thought I should go back to school, so my employer let me back with open arms. I was pleased. I did a week and then at the weekend I just cried and collapsed, bed ridden again for weeks with depression. My child had significant autism and now I think I just need to be with him. I called the school and told them my son is unwell and me too. I then sent in my resignation with a sick note to cover it. I felt awful but I couldn’t function. I never got a reply and I sent the email to all relevant people. I did many good years work there and in hindsight I never should have returned. I don’t know why I collapsed and now I am beating myself up that I ruined years of good work and my employer is so angry. I don’t want to have depression, I’ve lost a good well paid job but I can’t seem to do it and my counsellor said I should never have gone back. I feel so embarrassed about it all.

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tootiredtospeak · 27/09/2019 20:13

Bless you..I took on a managerial role a few years ago going up to FT hours with an autistic teenager and 2 other kids under 8. I really wanted to do the job so much but after working 3 days for so long I was rushed off my feet and got anxiety massively for the first time ever.
It was so embarrasing having to admit to my family and employer that I had made a huge mistake and needed too go back to my previous hours with less responsibilty. I felt I was letting everyone down and we as a family have had to adjust money wise. Its been hard but the right thing for me and that means ultimately for everyone else. Keep up with the counselling and just take one day at a time. You are only ever an employee to any employer even if you dropped dead you would still be replaced. To your family and freinds you are irreplacable especially to your autistic child. Be kind to yourself in a few years time you will look back on it as one of those rocky periods you got through in the end. Good luck.

Angel1969 · 27/09/2019 20:18

Thanks loads , I’m beating myself up so badly as they took me back then I left after a week. And with no responses to my emails etc makes me feel worse !Schools are exhausting nowadays and I was never happy there. Your right family comes first and I’ve cut my spending now as way less money. Thanks again xxx

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tootiredtospeak · 27/09/2019 20:24

They might be a bit pissed off with you but they will get over it. I am sure many of them will be feeling the same level of stress and might even be admiring your strength in admitting to it. You cant ignore something that makes you feel that way. Take some time to re evaluate life I would love to work with other autistic children and adults in the future to try and help someone in the same way others help my son. Its not something I can afford to do now but maybe one day. You will find your way....just keep swimming xx

Angel1969 · 27/09/2019 20:46

Yes I think they are extremely pissed off and i have to accept I can’t take on anything until I’m well. I’ve never used mumsnet before and it’s great to hear others views on things ! Thanks

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OhTheRoses · 28/09/2019 09:26

From an HR perspective it's dreadful that your resignation has not at the very least been acknowledged. However if this only happened a week ago they may be seeking advice in relation to your sick pay, to which you are likely to be entitled and also looking at their potential duties under the equality act and whether anything triggered you being ill/whether an oh referral is likely to be necessary.

I hope you are able to focus on your recovery.

chocolateisavegetable · 28/09/2019 11:44

People often do not know what to say to someone with depression - so this could be part of why they haven't replied. I would also recommend you reading "Depressive illness - the curse of the strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher - I think it might help you feel less guilty.

Angel1969 · 28/09/2019 15:04

Thanks x I will look at that book as the guilt is bad , on positive note I’ve been exercising a lot and each day improving x

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