Witnessing Domestic violence

[Hellabove5]

Has anyone on here suffered from witnessing domestic violence?
As a young girl from age 12, I'm now 28, my parents have had a very turbulent relationship with lots of domestic violence, emotional abuse etc.
Due to my hell of a childhood I literally feel like I'm damaged goods.
I have never had a serious relationship, I don't trust men, I suffer from anxiety and of late depression. I'm just so different and I feel its because of what I've had to witness and deal with.
I'm currently in counselling which ive had 2 sessions so far. I feel it is going to help me alot but I just wanted to see if I'm alone in this matter. I dont know anyone whose gone through what I have so i cant really talk to anyone who can relate.
Sorry for waffling on. I'm just a mess at the moment

You are definitely not alone.

I don't think I saw a lot of violence but I know there was some and I certainly heard terrible, terrible rows which carried the threat of violence.

I can remember, 50 years later, sitting at the top of the stairs listening and feeling helpless, scared and that I didn't matter.

As quite a young child I once walked out of the house at night- it was very dark - to get away from the shouting and also to try to get my parents to notice me in the middle of all this mayhem. I got quite a long way before I was found.

It took me a long time to realise that the legacy is low self esteem, no faith in relationships and seething anger and resentment which became a barrier to feeling close to my parents and safe in their company.

I think a lot of the problem for me is that neither parent ever apologised to me or even acknowledged their behaviour affected me (well my mum did years and years later, better than nothing I guess).

For children just carrying on as normal after a scary thing has happened without even mentioning the scary thing is very confusing I think.

I know I was damaged but with (a lot of) therapy I've got better and better. So it's very good you are getting counselling.