Feeling desperate

[ValancyRedfern]

I have OCD, depression anxiety, insommnia, binge eating disorder. I'm not sure I can carry on. I have a busy day at work tomorrow and need to get some sleep and need to make an important decision (OCD links to decisions so am panicking about making the wrong decision and harming others - I know really the decision doesn't matter but this is my fourth night of not sleeping because I don't know what decision to make). I've had all sorts of therapy and CBT. I do yoga and mindfulness and all that jazz. And I'm still a wreck. I don't know what to do I'm in such a panic. I've tried to get counselling and been referred to a waiting list for a online course. I'm on 40mg of citalopram a day. What else can I do? Please be kind I'm on the edge. I have a 5yo DD so I can't kill myself. Otherwise I would.

Sometimes any decision is better than no decision.

If you make the wrong decision it's very rare that you can't change your mind. Sometimes that's simple, sometimes it might take time and/or money, but there's nothing that's not fixable.

Stressing over needing to make a big decision is normal. It's not necessarily linked to your OCD. You'd be pretty unusual if you didn't feel at least some stress, and didn't have some sleepless nights in that situation.

Have you tried MOODgym? It's online CBT and you can access it straightaway, it might help. Insomnia is awful and panic on top makes everything unbearable. Would it help to talk to someone now? The MIND helpline is there for you. Also 111 would be able to give you information on local helplines and services available.

You need to see your GP urgently, make an emergency appointment tomorrow.

The thoughts of suicide, sleepless nights and endless panic are signs that your medication is definitely not working and you need some help right now.

No advice just a handhold 💐 and an unmumsnetty hug

Thank you. Still awake but less panicky. The decision is a work decision and I'm scared of being fired. I tried to refer myself to iapt and told them all about my suicidal thoughts etc and all I got was a referral to an online course. I e had tonnes of therapy before so didn't hold out much hope anyway. I'm just done. I think tonight is so bad also as a side effect of new medication I'm taking for restless leg syndrome. Reading the list of side effects I'm.regretting ever taking them! Thank you all for messaging xx

To clarify its not actually a big decision at all. It's the kind of decision I need to make regularly at work. I'm just in a complete panic about it. I can have a panic attack over what train to book. There's no logic.