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1 reply

boychild · 19/09/2019 18:33

Hi
So keeping this brief as I can I'm after advice. Quick background info! I'm in my 30's a mechanic and in a fairly new but very good relationship I believe. 8 months or so.
My partner has said, in the past and fairly rarely now a group of friends use drugs at parties. Id say it's a cultural thing they do together as has historically been the case. In my early 20's I would have done so but not for 10 years or more. It doesn't concern me at all if they want to do that in my presence, Their choice’s as adults is not a concern of mine as is my will not too to them.

However.
My question is this, personally it's not something I would necessarily want my partner to join in with. I would be concerned if she still wanted to do, very briefly she has said it's not necessarily something she still wants to do, though importantly without ruling it out completely.

Health, risk and mental health impacts particularly, combine to make me think it's not worth the risk.

I don't know how to raise the convo without it sounding controlling or judgemental.
The impact on a new relationship vs the worry and concern if she did choose to participate at parties with or without me present.
Advice not on the morals of drug use as it were but how to or not to raise it.
Maybe I should just stay muted and see how it plays out? How long do I leave it if it’s worrying me.
It would probably be a game changer if it was to continue but it has to be a choice to stop from within I know that not a condition I can set. This is not brief now I read it back sorry!

OP posts:
BeetrootBasil · 20/09/2019 10:26

Don't mention it. I know from experience you can't change someone or motivate them to care about their long term health. You'd have to be okay with it and best case scenario they 'grow' out of it. You are better off being honest if its a deal breaker now. Just explain it from your side I.e. its not something you do or want to be around anymore. Looking to long term you are thinking about long term health. Do you see a future with them? That would guide how you have the conversation. I would be pretty upset if someone told me after 8 months of dating to be honest that a small thing I did occasionally was a problem or broke up with me over it. You'll have to take that risk if it is really your deal breaker. Live and learn.

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