I don't want to be me any more

[FatAndSad1]

I don't know what I'm wanting from this thread really, just think I'm feeling very alone and don't have friends that would understand and not try to minimise my feelings.

I am overweight, have had binge eating disorder for years, and I loathe the way I look. I'm not suffering from any body dysmorphia, I really am fat. I can't stand to look at myself and I don't know how anyone else can stand to look at me either. I get so down, then I eat to try to squash the feelings down, then I get fatter, and the whole cycle starts again.

There are always some fat-bashing threads on the go somewhere on MN, and I know I shouldn't look at them, but I get this compulsion to read all this stuff because it confirms to me that other people are disgusted by me as well.

I am just bone tired of being me, and of being trapped in a body that disgusts me. I don't really know what to do. I have had various types of therapy and counselling but I can never get past hating myself and believing that I am worth the effort. I don't think I would ever do anything drastic but I desperately wish I could just not feel anything.

There are lots of weight loss/self esteem success stories- maybe some of them would be helpful to you?

Sad1, I feel similar to you about my weight.
I wish I was thinner, but I'm very over weight and seem to put more and more weight on.
I'm mainly worried about health issues, and my vanity suffers as well - I used to have a great figure (didn't realise it at the time!). And now I'm just glad I find clothes that fit...
I'm trying to do something that makes me feel good about myself. I'm trying to walk 12000 steps each day. Sometimes I manage it, other days I don't. But (most days) I try.
Be kind to yourself.
You sound like a lovely person

My daughter struggles with her weight and she has almost become a recluse. She is the most beautiful young woman, so creative and fun (when she is feeling a little more positive sometimes). My heart breaks for her as I do not know what to do or how to be there for her. Can you help me by telling me what you would like someone to do for you? Hopefully, we can help each other x

I don't know, really. I wish I did. I do know that weight problems are so often tied up with poor mental health, and sometimes it's difficult to tell where one thing ends and the other begins. I eat because I feel shit, and then I feel shit because I'm fat.

It's not as simple as saying "Maybe you'll feel better if you lose weight", so I'd only urge you not to frame it that way for your daughter. However helpful and positive you try to be about it, all she'll hear is you saying "You're fat, you're not good enough as you are". And anyway, there's no guarantee that being thinner would solve her problems at all. It sounds to me as if she's severely depressed and the overweight is just a symptom of that. Has she ever seen a GP about it? It's tricky taking that first step because GPs do blame almost everything on your weight and I try to avoid going if I possibly can because I don't want to be shoved on the scales and told off like a child. But all the same, I think the best thing you can do for her is gently encourage her to seek help, maybe offer to go with her and make sure she doesn't get fobbed off.

I probably ought to take my own advice but I don't trust GPs any more. I was bulimic up until a couple of years ago and I tried on more than one occasion to get a referral to a counsellor or a specialist. I was usually sent away with a printout of healthy foods and told that I should make more of an effort to eat breakfast...

I've had binge eating disorder for 20 years op. It sucks. Trying to lose weight is absolutely not the answer; in fact it makes it worse. Have you tried overeaters anonymous? I have my qualms with it but it has helped me a lot. Also specific eating dosroder therapy. I got some privately as the NHS was useless. It was expensive but worth it. I still binge but I am now a healthy weight. (Still hate myself but I'm better than I was).

I for one have never had a negative view of someone classified as overweight. Look for the good people.

I think you have to separate the issues - your weight and how you feel about yourself. Personally I think binge eating is a survival behavior. When we were hunter gatherers, if we came across food the instinct was to gorge on it or horde it otherwise another animal would come along and have it. It makes sense that if you have had some kind of real or imagined threat then you might respond by bingeing. If you can get to the bottom of the fear, and put in place things that make you feel safe and comforted, then the instinct might lessen. The benefit is longer term good health and the short term effect is losing weight which triggers social approval which in turn makes you feel good. Remember these fat bashing people are only thinking about themselves and believe terribly unhelpful constructed myths about fat people. There may be some truths within their views but going to them for validation of yourself or help exposes your mind to all their non-sense too, go to experts and find networks of people with lived experience.

Your low self esteem may not only because of what others say, it may also be adaptive - your bodies way of telling you that you've overloaded it. If you generally eat healthy food but are prone to overeating on portions you might benefit from the fasting type diet which gives the digestive system a break.

You should definitely not do a fasting diet if you have binge eating disorder. It will make it worse. I have some books to recommend I will come back later.

Valency thank you. I don't wish to be ungrateful to people who have taken the time to comment and who are well-meaning, but I wish people wouldn't recommend weight loss to people with eating disorders. I KNOW I would be healthier if I was thinner but trying to lose weight at the moment would not be a safe thing for me to do.

I have tried specific private therapy for this but never managed to find one that helped, and I can no longer afford to keep trying different ones. Self help book recommendations would be great if you have any x

I am sorry if there is a misunderstanding about my post here.
I wasn’t suggesting any special diet or fast, just that some success stories (many of which deal with various eating disorders) would encourage you. Good luck!

Me personally,forget about the numbers,throw bathroom scales. This helps you to just concentrate on yourself and begin to like yourself. Your more than numbers. You deserve better.
When you think negative of yourself, just think 1. Would I say that to someone 2. How would I feel if someone said that to me.
We're always hard on ourselves more than people are to us.
I'm always here if you need to let off steam