Overthinking

[summersolstice43]

Hi All,
I'm a natural over thinker, always have been but now it is getting out of hand and is having a negative effect on my life. Ive tried to take a step back from whats bothering me and try to see things rationally but I end up thinking about it over and over and convince myself that something bad is going to happen. For example, I'm in a newish relationship and I have told my partner from day one that I overthink and get anxious about things and for him to tell me I'm doing it but he sees this as me needing constant reassurance and I don't want to come over all needy even though I feel I am. Its the same with my job, I'm constantly worrying I'm not meeting standards and find myself working more hours just to make sure I'm not going to be labelled as slacking.

Any suggestions for me to try would be much appreciated.

Natural overthinker here too. Somehow gets better with age if that makes sense? I am in my late twenties now and I overthink way less than in my early twenties. However I have periods of time in my life when all goes to shit and I overthink pretty much everything (everyone's opinion about me, hair appointments, etc).

It's hard, I know. I've actually started therapy a couple of months ago and I'm working on this & my lack of ability to be assertive and I already see progress in both areas. Have you considered therapy/counselling?

Another useful tip (works for me): when you start worrying, think about 3 amazing things in your life (I know it sounds stupid, but it's not, I promise)

Or if you have something really bothering you and you keep overthinking it put it this way: I'll only worry about this from 4PM tomorrow. And you keep pushing it.

Take it one day at a time, otherwise it can get overwhelming

@proseccoaficionado

Thank you for your advice. I'm in my 40's now and my overthinking seems to have stayed the same but I now realise I need to do something about it as its really winding me up as well as my partner and colleagues.

Giving myself a time to work towards is a great idea, thanks :) I have considered therapy and I did have a short spell of counselling but that didn't really help as it was more me talking and not getting any advice or anything to work towards really. Thank you so much for your help :)

@summersolstice43 therapy is a very tailored experience to each individual and I cannot stress enough the importance to "click" with your therapist. I tried before and it sucked. These therapy sessions (some of them) have left me in tears because she really knows how to tackle wounds and then heal them.

I know it affects your partner/family and this is because of your constant need for reassurance (I do the same, DP is up the wall), but if they love you they'll help you tackle it

Re. job, know what's expected of you I.e. annual objectives, company / team policies. On important pieces of work, I check in with manager for ad hoc advice. If its something I've never done, I might get their input at the start to make sure I'm on track. I've also started making own checklists to avoid obsessing too much and try and be time effective. All seems to help my imposter syndrome!

Re relationship, they are a partner so should support you and hold it although remember they won't be perfect either.

I struggle with supporting an anxious colleague, it would be worth getting strategies on board - have you looked at CBT?

I'm a terrible worrier and overthinker. Age has made it worse if anything. My mum is 75 and proof positive it's possible to never grow out of it 😭😭. There's a good book called The Worry Cure which as good techniques in it.

Hi All, just a quick update. I have spoken to a mental health worker who has advised I try CBD oil, I have bought some and recently started taking this and haven't seen much improvement with overthinking but I have had far less anxiety that previously. She also had a discussion with me about things I can and cannot control. So work wise I cannot control the work I have to do on a daily basis but I can put things in place to manage this and as I also have monthly one to ones with my manager I can discuss this here. Relationship wise, I can control this so I've spoken at length with my partner who isn't helping me at all, he seems to think I'm stressing about nothing and is not willing to even listen to me anymore so I'm seriously thinking about ending this and moving on even though this could easily break me but I see no other way to be honest.