Vulnerable narcissist

[Eggsforbreakfast12]

I've come to the painful self realization, that I am a vulnerable narcissist.

I am a now single mother of four young children and desperately what to find help so I can become more self aware, as to not let this affect my little ones.

Is there anyone else out there who feels they have the same mental health problems?

Can I be a good parent and be this way?

What help is there for this problem?

Have you been having therapy? Has your therapist told you this, or have you self diagnosed?

I've self diagnosed which is silly. I'm waiting to go into therapy.

I've just come out of a 10 year relationship with the father of my children. Upon reflection I have become someone I do not recognize. Thinking the worst in people and coming out with bad behavior.

Constant feelings of guild and shame.

Anyway, trying to keep my head up for the children. Focusing on their needs. I will be mindful of any toxic behaviors that appear so I can guid myself into a better person. It's hard to come to terms with the way I've been. I suppose that's all part of the process of becoming more mindful! Thank you for taking the time to reply.

You're not a narcissist if you can feel guilt or shame.

I think that applies to the grandiose type of narcissist, whereas a vulnerable narcissist is often plagued by feelings of shame, feeling they are a bad person finding it difficult to move on from when they have made mistakes

Really?
My DM is a narcissist and is without empathy, guilt etc hence my reply to you.
Apologies for my ignorance. I was unaware of vulnerable narcissists. (You learn something new every day).
And I applaud you wanting to rectify your behavior.

I realize though, in our culture that we are very focused on demonising these types of behaviors and not offering much help to improve them. Just having a look on youtube it's all about how to avoid these people and how they are inherently bad. I believe it is a mental disorder and people can be helped.

Of course a lot of the behaviors can be harmful. I'm sure there are varying levels from person to person.

my perception on it all is that each generation seems to need something to condemn, to blame.

Yes, I've only recently read about the vulnerable type which is how I came to realize I probably have been this way.

It's good to be aware of it.

Is your DM aware of the way she is?

No, my DM is perfect. There is nothing wrong with her, just everyone else in the whole world.
Her confidence in herself is immense. I've never heard her doubt herself. She's always right. Always. And she looks perfect too. And everything she does is the best.
My DM has not a clue she's a narcissist.

You sound like a very self aware person and a good mother too.
I think that maybe your marriage took it's toll on you and , because you were unhappy , made you behave in a negative way.

More likely poor self esteem and codependency.

Any 'type' of narcissist don't have empathy. They also don't tend to realise what they are and if they do, they don't care.

Be careful of telling people you are a narcissist as you don't seem to really know what one is. They are all predatory op.

Read up on codependency instead perhaps. Or bipolar disorder. Or see a gp!

And no, NPD is not mental illness.

Narcissist people rarely diagnose themselves as that. They usually think they are amazing even the vunerable ones. Can you afford counselling? I wouldn't self diagnose.

Thank you for the replies, yes I did become codependent unfortunately, And have always suffered low self esteem.

We both had problems, he was diagnosed with bipolar early this year.

Perhaps that's what it was. Hopefully I will get better with therapy.

Thankyou

I wouldn't worry too much about a diagnosis, perhaps that will come in time if you need it. For now though, just like you said, be aware of the thoughts and behaviour that you exhibit (and that you don't) in your day to day life. Be aware of who you are moment to moment. Most of us, when we look at ourselves in this way, do not like what we see. But go easy on yourself too, you're human and flawed, welcome to the club!

Hi,

I’ve just read this thread and think you sound like a kind, empathetic, self aware person.

It sounds like life was very hard and you lost your confidence and independence.

It will come back.
❤️