Could it be ocd ?!!

[Mummyrj18]

I have posted a few times on here about anxiety and horrible thoughts. After having a bad day today I called a counselling service who mentioned ocd, which had been said to me before but never really looked into. My thoughts are usually about not loving people anymore or preferring one of my kids over the other. Or not wanting my child because they are a boy or a girl. Generally intrusive thoughts that cause me severe anxiety and guilt. At the moment I’m just diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, but could it be ocd and does that make a difference ? Thanks for any replies xx

Hi there
If it's ocd, your obsessions will be accompanied by compulsions (such as avoiding the thing you are scared of/mentally arguing with the thought rather than just letting it be/seeking reassurance etc). Do you have any compulsions in response to these thoughts?

I definitely try to rationalise it, like if I think ‘I don’t want to be a mum anymore’,(which makes me panic) I’ll try to think of all the time when I was happy doing things with the kids so it can’t be true, Or if if I think ‘I don’t like my daughter’, then I’ll try and look at photos of us together to remember the feeling. And constantly find myself looking at her to try and feel loving feelings, or worrying I won’t feel proud if she does something well at school. Or I won’t be able to enjoy her birthday. It’s constantly on my mind, and makes me panic so much that there might be any truth in it 😞 xxx

Many many people have compulsions or obsessions. It's only likely to be OCD if it significantly gets in the way of you getting on with your daily life.

My understanding is that intrusive thoughts without compulsions could still be OCD. The intrusive thoughts are usually things you are anxious about and wouldn't actually do, rather than things you are compelled to do. Perhaps I have been misinformed but was told this by professionals.

It’s definitely affecting my life. I’m off work just now. Can’t enjoy anything cause I’m constantly trying to rationalise my thinking and prove that I do love my children and I am being a good mum. It’s exhausting. My gp just wants to up my sertraline but can’t get anywhere with therapy or a proper diagnosis xx

I think it's the rationalisation and going over and over it etc that is perhaps compulsive.

My experience is that I have a particular thought which is almost a tic in response to the intrusive thoughts. Sometimes I even say it out loud but not in company. It tends to be the same thing every time for a while and then it changes to something else.

I don't suffer very badly at the moment but I can see how it could impact on someone significantly. I hope you get the help you need.

Thank you. Just want the right help, mental health services are always so hard to access feel like you have diagnose and help yourself sometimes.

Contrary to popular belief OCD doesn't just manifest itself in ritual behaviour like compulsive hand washing or checking. It's the reason for years I thought I didn't have it.

There is a separate strand to it that can be overwhelming and intrusive thought related, which is what I have. When I have a pattern of thoughts in my head I find it unbelievably difficult to get rid of them and they go round in my head endlessly, so I fully sympathise and understand how hard it is.

First port of call if you think it's OCD would be to get it confirmed by a psychiatrist and look to do a mixture of therapy and medication treatment. Common SSRI antidepressants are really helpful for OCD and therapies such as CBT and CAT can really help with the coping mechanisms to combat it.

The general consensus now is that ocd always has compulsive behaviours. Professionals once believed that a sufferer could have 'pure o' (just obsessions without the compulsions) but now they know that, in these cases, the compulsions happen mentally (like trying to remember a time when you felt love for your daughter to prove to yourself that you do). Because you can't see such compulsions, they didn't realise they existed, hence the term 'pure o' (pure obsessions). Now they know about mental compulsions, they are able to diagnose people who were previously very difficult to diagnose.

I don't want to be an armchair psychologist, but I think an Ocd diagnosis is worth exploring g in your case. The behaviours you describe in a bid to 'prove' you love your daughter seem like classic OCD compulsions and your daily life appears to be affected. Before my diagnosis, I called one of the ocd charity helplines and got advice on how to seek a diagnosis. I made financial sacrifices and sought private therapy in the end. Also check out the podcast The Ocd Stories, which contains interviews with prominent professionals in the field.

Just to add, it is notoriously difficult to get an Ocd diagnosis for so-called 'pure-o'. GPs are notoriously under-informed and therefore miss red flags. This is one of the issues ocd advocates are trying to address. Don't give up on your right to receive a correct diagnosis. If it is ocd, once diagnosed, it is treatable, especially in conjunction with sertraline x

Thank you for this I needed it today. Feel so tired. Just feel like I get shrugged off as an over emotional mum or I just ‘worry too much’ but i know there’s more too it than that. I don’t have much faith in any gp I’ve seen. Hoping for a psychiatry referral. Thank you xx

Agree with everything @sevencontinents has said - something that's really helped me is researching it. I have suffered with awful intrusive thoughts since my son was born two years ago, some days unbearable and some okay. They tend to worsen if I am stressed or anxious. Unfortunately now dealing with a lot of rubbish so have started to feel v depressed and was prescribed 50mg of sertraline three weeks ago. To say its helped is an understatement.

A couple of books I love are The imp of the mind & how to deal with intrusive thoughts.

I also love exposure therapy and ACT therapy (if you're interested look online) xx

Thank you this has really helped me, I looked up the book you mentioned ( how to deal with intrusive thoughts ) and read a sample of it. Feels like someone has written down my own thoughts. Was really comforting, but I know the comfort will wear off and I’ll start doubting and panicking again. But at least feel I know better what’s wrong with me now and can hopefully find a way of managing it xx