Is it all in my head?

[Noolvsu]

Hi Mumsnet,
I think I'm about to divulge more information than necessary as a type of verbal diorroeah but I'm at a loss as to where else I can express what I'm feeling and seek the best guidance.
My LG has just turned 13 months old and a lot seems to be going on in my brain. I'll try to break it down.
When my baby was born, my husband and I were constantly on at each other for the first eight months easily. About stupid stuff and it really put a strain on our relationship. I do love my husband but since becoming a mum I've found it really hard to be a wife as well. I'm disinterested in sex or any affection he tries to give me which I know is frustrating for him but can't help but feel that way.
I also can't describe this any other way. The last three generations of women in my family have had ovarian cancer in some way or another. I've had vaccinations but recently can only think that I'm just waiting for my turn and grieving for myself. It's making me struggle to get out of bed and worry about what might be in store for me and my LG. I'm up to date on my smear tests and I know I'm being ridiculous but I can't get it out of my head.
Last I told my husband that I would love to have more kids in the future but with so much going on in my head I know it won't be any time soon.
Should I talk this over with a professional? Any ideas on where to start? The though of talking physically to a stranger about this gives me so much anxiety but find it easier online. Am I nuts? Is it all in my head?

I would recommend talking to a therapist, the BACP can recommend a counsellor locally if you can afford to go that way or go to your GP to ask for a referral. Everything you have written here sounds absolutely understandable, looking after a baby is difficult and puts different stressors and strains on everyone's relationships. Also, the fear of cancer that runs in your family in that way must be scary and it is also understandable that you are experiencing worry and anxiety over this.

Yes it is going on in your head, but that doesn't make you nuts, it makes you human. We all have our 'stuff'. Speaking to someone else about it directly, although it may sound scary, can and will help you if you can take that step and you are ready for change. Good luck.