h says unkind things about my past and childhood

[howtostopheadache]

H has a habit of taking our frustrations on me. Almost from beginning, would get irritated, pass condescending remarks over slightest of inconvenience.

He has had difficult life from a young age. I used to be understanding but it became a one way street where he never felt accountable to me as in his head he did nothing wrong. E.g. one time (very early in marriage) we were away for a period, we used to exchanged texts morning when he woke up till night. One day I didn't hear from him at all, he didn't reply to my texts, I called him later, no response, I got worried as it was a regular day and he had no different plans.
I finally heard from him almost around midnight. And on my asking, he responded his phone battery got discharged. He was outside for some work, can't say as it will be too giving. Nothing which didn't give him time or opportunity to text.
I told him I had got very worried towards the end of the day. He got mad at me and hung up. Next day acted like nothing happened.

I have now learnt he has empathising with experience of the person he is in conflict with.
In recent times, he has full blown anger outbursts, walking away as he has no patience to listen to me. He does have stress from other sources and now blames me for all his problems, other times say he regrets it.
Anyways, he has yet again blamed me for his anger and have given some distorted evidences while in full rage to prove I am the source of the problem. E.g. he has commented on my relationships with some dysfunctional relatives or friends. I grew up with alcoholic father and a very dysfunctional family.

I feel very hurt as I try to be as sensitive to his past as one could be when he is on this personal attack and talks so confidently about my past and relationships when he doesn't know much about it.

I am diagnosed with complex ptsd and moderate OCD. He says he cares for me and then goes on behaving like this. On daily basis, he gets frustrated over minor things. I do feel worried for him as clearly he is not happy. But at the moment I am so mixed with feelings of bitterness, anger and concern towards him.

I don't know what to do. I tried talking many times to him in the past.

Do you go to counselling yourself so you can talk this through with someone outside the situation? It sounds very hard and it is difficult enough dealing with our own mental health let alone receiving the backlash from someone else's. It is ok to assert yourself and tell him he is being unkind, we are not punchbag's for our partners. I would tell him to back off from talking about your past. He wasn't there, he didn't experience it.

I go to counselling.But the level of stress is too much for 50 mins a week to make much impact. I don't have any other support.

H is not diagnosed with any mental illness.
He doesn't talk of my past on his own. He would judge me for some decision in the past and when I would try to explain the circumstances, he screams back I wasn't the only one with stressful life, that I should stop feeling sorry for myself. He knows people with much worse life situations. He sounds cold and judgemental.

I don't talk about my past. He had talk of his past many times like how he didn't have things his friends did, etc. He is extremely sensitive about his own past. I don't make comments like you were not the only one, etc

At the beginning of our marriage, he would get annoyed with small things and then blame it on his stress and pressure from past.I used to be sympathetic. But slowly I started to feel he expects a lot of understanding but himself judges very harshly.