Husband with depression

[MummaToLois]

I know this post may make me sound awful, but please try not to judge. I’ve had a really difficult time and just don’t know what to do for the best.

My husband has chronic depression and has done for a number of years. He’s managed to cope until the birth of our daughter last year. Due to complications at birth, my daughter suffered a brain injury. She’s doing remarkably well. But my husbands depression over the past year has become unbearable. His moods are very up and down. One day he can be an amazing doting father and husband. The next day he’s irritable, frustrated with us both and sleeps all the time. He rarely helps out around the house and I’ve got to tell him what to feed/dress our daughter in etc. Today we’ve had a trying day at the hospital where our daughter needed a ct scan and was anaesthetised. Our daughters scan got pushed back so she has been fasting for 10 hours. She was incredibly upset (she’s only one so didn’t understand why she couldn’t feed). My husband just slept in the chair. Didn’t bother to help/entertain or soothe her. I really feel I’m now at the end of my tether. I feel awful, because I know he has a mental disorder but I’m at an all time low. I dont know whether I love him enough to stay with him, but I’m terrified he’ll do something irrational if I leave. I work full time, basically have very little to no time for myself and my daughter is still under the hospital with her brain injury and potential cranio. I just don’t know what to do 😢

Ps. My husband sees a councillor and has regular updates with the dr

First of all, you don't sound awful....You aren't responsible for his mental disorder so whatever he does is not your fault either.
You are dealing with a lot and your priority must be your daughter.
Has he got family who could help him while you concentrate on everything else?
Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions. You can't afford for the stress to affect your mental health when you have a young child and are responsible for so much.
If you can't get help from family or your husband can't better professional help, you may have to walk away from him. That sounds awful.....but speak to your doctor and explain your situation.

Big hugs op. You are not being awful. You're trying to cope with a hell of a lot of stress. Is there another family member that can talk to your DH ? Is he on antidepressants? Are they working? Has he said he will do something to himself if you tell him to leave?