I have been diagnosed with emetophobia (long story short!) and I've been coping with it over the last few months while I wait for face to face CBT. I've had the online CBT to tide me over but haven't attempted any of the gradual exposure stages because I cannot cope with that on my own; which makes me realise I'm not really coping, I'm just getting away with avoiding situations.
Anyway, someone my son has spent the day with today has been sick. Was sick after seeing him and it seems was sick before seeing him but it was put down to car sickness. This child's parent was also sick last night, so actually not car sickness, a bug of some sort. Unsure if food poisoning or something else.
I wasn't with him, so I can't console myself knowing I did the usual "wash your hands, don't touch that, bleach that, don't share cups..." stuff I usually do to "managing" my phobia. So he is probably going to be ill isn't he??
When I found this out I was at work and basically spent the afternoon trying to keep myself from having a panic attack. Using CBT techniques, etc. But I am home now and just crying and shaking. He's due back later and I know I'll be back to spending the whole night listening out for the sound of him vomiting.
Then what,,, we'll that's it - the "phobia" isn't about the practicality and the aftermath, it's the bit before that leaves me cold, sweating and unable to think of anything else.
I'm considering making his dad sleep over elsewhere with him because the distance means I don't have to deal with the immediate sounds and visuals. But that's making me feel shit because I'm his mummy and I should be the one cuddling and comforting him.
I've been suicidal over this in the last and this evening I'm feeling the "what's the point of existing only to feel like this?" thoughts circling again.