Am I wrong to feel this bad?

[Whydidyouask]

Lurked here for years, never posted. I just need to get so many things of my chest, I can feel my mental health sliding away from me again. I’ve worked so hard to get to a place where I feel calm and I know I’m heading down hill again.
I’m waffling so won’t make sense. My husband whilst kind and generous doesn’t seem to understand how to deal with me. I’ve no family. Friends are distant and unsupportive. I can’t do it all again. Not on my own. I just need someone to understand and tell me I’m ok. Crying my eyes out writing this.
Lost my dad, watched him suffer for years with drink problems and depression.
My baby was stillborn. Mum disowned me as her grief was greater than mine and we argued. She was a toxic parent, childhood was devoid of love and support. My sister emigrated to the other side of the world. We were close but I can’t blame her for wanting to go.
Huge in-laws problems- child abuse, mental illness, social services and police involved etc. Ongoing.
Diagnosed with life limiting condition.
All in the last few years.
I’ve had AD’s and therapy and thought I was coping really well but an up coming event had brought lots of emotions to the surface and I’m just dissolving.
Sorry for the bitty way I’ve typed this up, I just had to get it down. I don’t really expect anyone to reply, just feeling a bit hopeless.
I know I should go back to go, back on AD’s and I will. I just wanted someone to listen

I can’t help as I’m sure anything I say you already know but I didn’t want to read and run.

It’s totally ok to feel how you feel. It sounds like you really have been through a lot but regardless, your feelings are important.

Take some deep breaths. You CAN get through this. You’ve gotten through it before and you can do it again. You’re strong and capable and you’ll will get through the fog to the sunshine.

Speak to your doctor on Monday about restarting ADs. Can you start therapy again to ensure you have someone to talk to and help you through this tough time?

Xxx

I'm here, whydidyouask. You're not wrong at all to feel this bad. You've had to cope with a hell of a lot by the sound of it, without having people in real life to turn to as they all had their own issues. Try to be kind to yourself. You're incredibly strong, but no one can continue forever without support. Go back to the GP, go back on the ADs if that is what you need. There's no shame in that. I've been on and off ADs for about 7 years and I find life so much better with them. Thinking of you. You will get through this.

Go back to your doctor and ask for AD’s a and if there is any counselling available.Take heart in the fact though it was hard you have been through a lot and coped well before.
Contact your sister by FaceTime to see how she is and talk to someone who you trust, plan to do this regularly if you can.. If you are in a position to plan to eventually go for a visit when you can cope.

Thank you all for replying. It really does mean a lot to me right now.
I will see the gp again, it’s just feels like starting all over again and it was so hard before. But ... I know the signs now so hopefully I’ve caught myself before I hit rock bottom again. I know my temper is shorter than it should be and I have no motivation to do anything, I want to be the best mum I can be, give my children the love and attention they deserve so for that reason alone I refuse to give in. But it’s bloody hard sometimes

mylaptopismylapdog - I am in contact with my sister, she’s just not here, iykwim. She’s got her own life now and I’m really pleased for her, I just miss her.
Thank you all again, I needed to vent and be understood. but I appreciate you all replying